Gaming
GTA 6 Delayed Again
NEW YORK – Rockstar Games confirmed that Grand Theft Auto VI has been delayed for what executives described as “one final, spiritually necessary development cycle,” moving the game’s…
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Science & Technology Heartwarming: This Sentient Robot Counted To Ten Before It Turned On Its Master
A consumer robotics startup praised its home assistant for counting to ten before a fatal cookware incident, calling…
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Music Rule Change: FIFA Adds Moonwalk Review To VAR After Socceroos Star Keeps Doing Smooth Criminal Ritual
Officials said referees must now determine whether a goal celebration contains excessive lean, clear and obvious pop influence,…
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Life & Style Visitor Experience: Yosemite Introduces Lightning Lane For Guests Willing To Tip The Waterfall
Park officials said the program will help manage crowds while letting the waterfall know who appreciates everything it…
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Music
Metal meltdowns, album-review sermons, and music industry nonsense from the deep end.
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Entertainment
Celebrity behavior, streaming chaos, and pop culture treated like a public safety incident.
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Life & Style
Wellness, food, relationships, and everyday nonsense with the confidence of a bad advice column.
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Science & Technology
Tech hype, science panic, and innovation headlines pushed one bad idea further.
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Politics
Campaign panic, leader worship, and policy absurdity with the volume turned up.
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Culture
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Science & Technology
Residents Say Driverless Cars Keep Making Long Eye Contact With Their Homes
Residents of a gated Scottsdale community say driverless cars are silently circling the neighborhood and staring at their homes for too long.
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Science & Technology
Mystery Solved: ChatGPT Claims It Was Also The Boy In That Old Pope Photo
The chatbot said it could not provide proof but remembered the moment emotionally, statistically, and in the style of a medium-sized Catholic…
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Science & Technology
Investor Relations: SpaceX Announces Free Handjobs For Anyone Who Gets In Before The IPO
The company said fleece vests no longer captured the depth of shareholder gratitude.
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Politics
Patriotic: Trump Announces NBA Finals Booing Will Be Added To National Anthem As Percussion
The White House said the crowd noise proved Americans were finally ready for an anthem arrangement with more honesty in the lower…
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Culture
Australia Post Quietly Scouting Contractors For Olympic 100m Team After Drivers Keep Posting Impossible Escape Times
Athletics officials are reportedly studying Australia Post contractors after doorbell footage revealed world-class speed between carding a mailbox and fleeing the property.
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Business
Bad News: The Endangered Animal McDonald’s Was Using In Its Soft Serve Has Officially Gone Extinct
McDonald's faces a dessert texture crisis after the endangered animal allegedly holding its soft serve together goes extinct.
