Science & Technology
NASA Confirms Mars Sample Is Mostly Dust And A Note Asking Earth To Stop Sending Men
Scientists say the sample contains minerals, oxidized compounds, and a surprisingly direct interplanetary boundary.
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Life & Style County Fair Adds Horny Jail After Third Dad Gets Too Patriotic Around Tilt-A-Whirl
Fair officials say the holding pen gives certain men a place to cool down before the livestock auction.
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Life & Style Wedding Venue Adds Deposit For Best Man Speech That Mentions Vegas, Jail, Or The Bride’s Sister
Coordinators say the policy protects families from speeches that begin with "the statute of limitations is up."
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Culture Funeral Home Offers Influencer Package For Families Who Want Ring Light Near The Casket
The director says families grieve differently, and some grieve in portrait mode beside lilies.
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Business
College Career Center Gives Graduates Complimentary Parking-Lot Breakdown Headshot
The school says the service helps graduates enter the job market with a professional photo and fresh curb trauma.
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Life & Style
Dermatologists Beg Dads To Stop Calling Sunscreen Makeup
Doctors say SPF 50 is not a gender identity, even when applied to the nose by a wife with a beach bag.
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Life & Style
Public Health: Federal Officials Replace Food Pyramid With Picture Of Man Doubting Seed Oils
Nutrition experts said Americans need clearer guidance, such as a silhouette making one suspicious face at a bottle.
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Politics
Grassroots: One Nation Fundraiser Raises Enough To Buy Australia One More Uncle With A Ring Light
Party officials said the donor surge proves Australians want change, billboards, and a man named Daryl filming in portrait mode beside a…
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Culture
Just Checking: Target Self-Checkout Asks Whether Theft Is For Hunger, Rage, Or A Little Treat
The retailer said the prompt helps distinguish survival, protest, and the kind of tiny candle behavior nobody wants to name directly.
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Culture
NYT Cooking Asks Commenters To Prove Husband Deserves Dinner
The recipe site says a stronger moderation policy will protect weeknight meals from unexamined men.
