Business
Credit Karma Shows Score Of Person You’d Be If Your Dad Apologized
The app says the projection helps users understand the financial upside of one honest sentence in 1998.
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Politics Cooling Center Adds VIP Room For Residents Who Want To Pretend Rich People Are Also Hot
The premium chair offers a small fan, a paper cup of water, and the illusion that heat respects…
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Politics Supreme Court Rules Teen Vape Pen Protected By Founders’ Original Intent To Look Sick Behind A Barn
The majority found that the right to exhale mango fog while lying to adults is deeply rooted in…
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Science & Technology NASA Confirms Mars Sample Is Mostly Dust And A Note Asking Earth To Stop Sending Men
Scientists say the sample contains minerals, oxidized compounds, and a surprisingly direct interplanetary boundary.
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Music
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Life & Style
Wellness, food, relationships, and everyday nonsense with the confidence of a bad advice column.
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Science & Technology
Tech hype, science panic, and innovation headlines pushed one bad idea further.
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Campaign panic, leader worship, and policy absurdity with the volume turned up.
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Culture
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- Federal Inmates Praise New Culinary Era As Donald Trump Appointed Head Burger Chef
- Katy Perry Hit With Sexual Assault Allegations One Year After Her “Space” Joyride: Damn, We Can’t Even Look Up To Our Astronauts Anymore
- Djent God Misha Mansoor Once Again Caught Red-Handed Taking Bribes From Big Pharma: The 8-String Riff Was Sponsored By Pfizer All Along
- Dave Grohl’s Dirty Little Secret Exposed: The Nicest Guy In Rock Has Been Secretly Lip-Syncing Every Drum Fill For 30 Years
- Good News Everyone: Vaping Is Out and Cigarettes Are Back
Quizzes
Running jokes
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Life & Style
County Fair Adds Horny Jail After Third Dad Gets Too Patriotic Around Tilt-A-Whirl
Fair officials say the holding pen gives certain men a place to cool down before the livestock auction.
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Life & Style
Wedding Venue Adds Deposit For Best Man Speech That Mentions Vegas, Jail, Or The Bride’s Sister
Coordinators say the policy protects families from speeches that begin with "the statute of limitations is up."
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Culture
Funeral Home Offers Influencer Package For Families Who Want Ring Light Near The Casket
The director says families grieve differently, and some grieve in portrait mode beside lilies.
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Business
College Career Center Gives Graduates Complimentary Parking-Lot Breakdown Headshot
The school says the service helps graduates enter the job market with a professional photo and fresh curb trauma.
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Life & Style
Dermatologists Beg Dads To Stop Calling Sunscreen Makeup
Doctors say SPF 50 is not a gender identity, even when applied to the nose by a wife with a beach bag.
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Life & Style
Public Health: Federal Officials Replace Food Pyramid With Picture Of Man Doubting Seed Oils
Nutrition experts said Americans need clearer guidance, such as a silhouette making one suspicious face at a bottle.
