Category
Category: Politics
From the archive
Older Politics stories worth resurfacing
- Supreme Court Affirms Donald Trump’s Superior Intellect in 9-0 Decision
- Donald Trump Promises Gourmet Meals and Daily Yoga at New Trump Jail: Is This the Prison of the Future?
- Donald Trump Announces Plan to Build World’s Largest Swamp-Pumping Station
- President Biden Announces Plans to Drop Nukes on Both Israel and Palestine
- Joe Biden Unveils Groundbreaking New Vibrator: The Bidenator, Continuing to Fuck the American Public in Unprecedented Ways
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Politics
Government Finally Begins Turning Frogs Straight Again After Years Of Public Pressure
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “a long overdue correction to the national amphibian trajectory,” the federal government confirmed Tuesday that it…
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Politics
Trump Celebrates 2.5 Consecutive Months Of Ending Iran War
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump on Tuesday marked what the White House called “a historic 75-day streak” of ending the war with Iran, telling…
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Politics
Wendy’s Declared Strategic Nuclear Power
DUBLIN, OH – Global leaders convened in Brussels on Tuesday after Wendy’s successfully annexed three airport terminals, a mid-sized Baltic nation, and roughly 84…
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Politics
ECONOMY IN TOILET BUT NATION URGED TO STAY POSITIVE
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With inflation surging, consumer debt exploding, grocery prices entering what experts now describe as “performance art,” and the average citizen quietly…
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Politics
Gina Rinehart Quietly Assumes Role Of Australia’s Actual Prime Minister
CANBERRA – Political analysts confirmed Tuesday that mining billionaire Gina Rinehart has now fully transitioned from influential business figure to Australia’s unofficial but widely…
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Politics
Federal Budget Reveals Australians Technically Still Rich If You Ignore Everything They Spend Money On
CANBERRA — Treasurer Jim Chalmers unveiled the 2026 federal budget Tuesday night, confirming the Albanese government’s bold new economic strategy of giving Australians $14…
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Politics
Donald Trump Breaks World Record For 8-Hour Blink After White House Clarifies He Was Never Sleeping
WASHINGTON, D.C. President Donald Trump made medical history Monday after completing what White House officials are calling the longest authenticated blink ever performed by…
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Politics
Federal Inmates Praise New Culinary Era As Donald Trump Appointed Head Burger Chef
ATLANTA — In what prison officials are calling a new era toward flavor-forward rehabilitation, president Donald Trump has reportedly been promoted to Head Burger…
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Politics
Are You Tired of Winning Yet? Trump’s Tariff Tantrum Crowns Him King of the Economic Clown Show
Congratulations, America. We begged for Donald Trump’s triumphant return, and now we’re drowning in the sweet, sweet nectar of victory. One month into his…
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Politics
We Interviewed JD Vance, and It Got Weirdly Threatening
When I arrived at Vice President JD Vance’s office for what I assumed would be a run-of-the-mill political interview, I had no clue I…
