Category
Category: Politics
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Politics
Education Reform: Florida Textbooks Will Blur Any Character Who Learns Empathy Too Early
Officials said students can encounter compassion later, once parents have been given time to opt into the feeling.
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Politics
Patriot Points: ICE Launches Rewards Card For Americans Who Turn In Five Coworkers
Officials said the program will make enforcement feel more like coffee loyalty and less like something everyone used to pretend was ugly.
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Politics
Patriotic: Trump Announces NBA Finals Booing Will Be Added To National Anthem As Percussion
The White House said the crowd noise proved Americans were finally ready for an anthem arrangement with more honesty in the lower register.
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Politics
Leaked Trump Gaza Plan Includes Complimentary Tote Bag For Every Palestinian Who Agrees To Become A Former Resident
WASHINGTON—A leaked version of President Donald Trump’s Gaza redevelopment plan reportedly includes luxury coastal districts, foreign investment corridors, a U.S.-backed authority, and a complimentary…
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Politics
UK Government Unveils ‘See Something, Say Something, Upload Something, Consent To Something’ Public Safety Initiative
The UK government unveils a public safety initiative asking citizens to report suspicious bins, air fryers, burner phones, and general vibes.
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Politics
BREAKING: Trump Declares War On Taco Bell Restroom After 45 Minutes Inside With No Clear Exit Strategy
Aides say the president remains in command, although several staffers admitted the restroom has now held its position longer than anyone expected.
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Politics
Americans Briefly Consider Whether Losing Might Have Been Better After Latest “Historic Win” Leaves Country Financially Damp And Exhausted
Americans begin wondering whether one boring little loss might feel better than another historic win at the grocery store.
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Politics
Former Russian Spy Who Finally Decided To Do The Right Thing Dies 11 Minutes Later After Eating Gas Station Cottage Cheese
A former Russian spy finally tried to defect, only for discount gas station cottage cheese to erase 11 terabytes of Western intelligence hopes.
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Science & Technology
Terror Alert: Taliban Claims Responsibility For Destroying Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin Rocket
The group said its long-running campaign against private spaceflight had achieved a major victory after a billionaire's rocket completed most of the work itself.
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Politics
President Trump Declares Total War On Kars4Kids After Hearing Jingle 11 Times During Dental Procedure
President Trump reportedly opened a new front against Kars4Kids after a dental procedure exposed him to the jingle one too many times.
