Category: Politics

Politics

UK Government Unveils ‘See Something, Say Something, Upload Something, Consent To Something’ Public Safety Initiative

The UK government unveils a public safety initiative asking citizens to report suspicious bins, air fryers, burner phones, and general vibes.

Politics

BREAKING: Trump Declares War On Taco Bell Restroom After 45 Minutes Inside With No Clear Exit Strategy

Aides say the president remains in command, although several staffers admitted the restroom has now held its position longer than anyone expected.

Politics

Americans Briefly Consider Whether Losing Might Have Been Better After Latest “Historic Win” Leaves Country Financially Damp And Exhausted

Americans begin wondering whether one boring little loss might feel better than another historic win at the grocery store.

Politics

Former Russian Spy Who Finally Decided To Do The Right Thing Dies 11 Minutes Later After Eating Gas Station Cottage Cheese

A former Russian spy finally tried to defect, only for discount gas station cottage cheese to erase 11 terabytes of Western intelligence hopes.

Science & Technology

Terror Alert: Taliban Claims Responsibility For Destroying Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin Rocket

The group said its long-running campaign against private spaceflight had achieved a major victory after a billionaire's rocket completed most of the work itself.

Politics

President Trump Declares Total War On Kars4Kids After Hearing Jingle 11 Times During Dental Procedure

President Trump reportedly opened a new front against Kars4Kids after a dental procedure exposed him to the jingle one too many times.

Life & Style

North Korea Opens Beach Resort For Foreigners Who Miss Being Told Exactly Where To Stand

North Korea pitches a beach resort to burned-out foreigners seeking seafood, patriotic murals, and the strange luxury of having every decision made for them.

Politics

Bombshell: Ghislaine Maxwell Emerges As Top Republican Candidate For 2028

WASHINGTON—Convicted Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell has reportedly emerged as an early favorite in the Republican Party’s 2028 presidential field after strategists concluded she possesses…

Entertainment

No Comment: Trump Throws Stephen Colbert Into Dumpster After Final Late Show

Donald Trump marked the end of Stephen Colbert's Late Show run by placing the host in a dumpster and completing the familiar rally dance…

Politics

Public-Private Partnership: Trump Appoints Time Apple To Run Every Clock In America After Learning Tim Cook Already Works At Apple

The White House says Time Apple will coordinate iPhones, watches, daylight saving, and whatever the president thinks Apple CEO Tim Cook is called.