Author
Author: Monica Smith
Monica Smith covers national politics, diplomacy, and ceremonial gestures that somehow become policy.
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Politics
Former Russian Spy Who Finally Decided To Do The Right Thing Dies 11 Minutes Later After Eating Gas Station Cottage Cheese
A former Russian spy finally tried to defect, only for discount gas station cottage cheese to erase 11 terabytes of Western intelligence hopes.
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Life & Style
North Korea Opens Beach Resort For Foreigners Who Miss Being Told Exactly Where To Stand
North Korea pitches a beach resort to burned-out foreigners seeking seafood, patriotic murals, and the strange luxury of having every decision made for them.
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Politics
Bombshell: Ghislaine Maxwell Emerges As Top Republican Candidate For 2028
WASHINGTON—Convicted Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell has reportedly emerged as an early favorite in the Republican Party’s 2028 presidential field after strategists concluded she possesses…
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Entertainment
No Comment: Trump Throws Stephen Colbert Into Dumpster After Final Late Show
Donald Trump marked the end of Stephen Colbert's Late Show run by placing the host in a dumpster and completing the familiar rally dance…
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Politics
Finally: Police Doing Their Jobs By Tackling Student Before She Could Finish Anti-Poverty Lunch
Police restored public confidence by arresting a 21-year-old anti-poverty activist during lunch before she could finish eating and continue believing poor people should have…
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Politics
Huge Relief: Trump Preparing To Peacefully Leave Office In 2029 By Building A War-Capable Bunker Under The White House
The president is soothing concerns about the end of his second term with a drone-proof ballroom, a military hospital, secure infrastructure, and several floors…
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Opinion
I Used To Think Barack Obama Was Disappointing. Then America Replaced Him With Donald Trump
WASHINGTON – I used to think Barack Obama was disappointing. I thought he compromised too much. I thought he talked too long. I thought…
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Politics
White House Denies Trump Used Two-Way Diaper During China Trade Talks
WASHINGTON—The White House has forcefully denied reports that President Donald Trump wore a “two-way diaper” during high-level China trade talks, calling the allegation “false,…
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Politics
Anthony Albanese Refuses To Extend Fuel Excise Cut Until Australians Experience One Raw-Dogged Servo Visit First
The Prime Minister says Australians may need one completely unprotected servo visit before anyone decides whether unleaded deserves mercy.
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Politics
Australian Federal Budget Expands Dream Of One Day Renting A Slightly Nicer Stranger’s House
The Australian Federal Budget gives renters renewed hope of one day renting a slightly nicer stranger's house.
