Science & Technology Archives

11

Eccentric billionaire Elon Musk has announced his intention to hoard all of the cheese found on the moon for his own personal use. The audacious plan, dubbed "Operation Lunar Gruyère",…

01

Mar 2024

Science & Technology

Government Officials Now Probing Cryptocurrency Investors’ Buttholes!

In a bold move to reel in those who have profited from the recent surge in cryptocurrency prices, the IRS has announced a new policy that requires all Bitcoin investors…

29

Feb 2024

Science & Technology

Dr. Fauci and Bill Gates Announce Groundbreaking Partnership to Unleash ‘COVID-24’

The world's most beloved and huggable villain, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has joined forces with the Zuckerberg of the nerdosphere, Bill Gates, to unveil their latest collaboration: the COVID-24 pandemic. As…

23

Feb 2024

Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s New Space Toilet: The Sh*t That Blew Up His Mars Plans

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a man named Elon Musk. He was a billionaire with a big vision, but unfortunately, he also…

18

Nov 2023

Science & Technology

Ousted From OpenAI, Sam Altman Starts a Banana Stand

So, Sam Altman, the tech mogul, suddenly finds himself booted from the high and mighty throne of OpenAI. What does he do? Does he retreat into a life of quiet…

18

Nov 2023

Science & Technology

OpenAI Drops a Bombshell: Sam Altman Out, Smart Fridge In as New CEO

OpenAI, the company behind the brainiac AI everyone won't shut up about, has given its CEO Sam Altman the boot, replacing him with a smart fridge. Yes, you read that…

29

Aug 2023

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Shows Unprecedented Mercy: Snips Only 3 Fingers from SpaceX Leaker’s Hand! The Compassionate Billionaire Strikes Again

They say charity starts at home, but for Elon Musk, it seems that benevolence starts at the fingertips – or rather, ends there. In a magnanimous display of mercy that…

28

Aug 2023

Science & Technology

Paul Graham Unleashes New Essay; Internet Wonders If He’s Become the Yoda of Startups or Just the Jar Jar Binks

Ah, Paul Graham, the tech world's favorite sentient beard, has done it again! The Y Combinator co-founder and self-anointed startup sage dropped a new essay last week. The Internet's reaction?…

28

Aug 2023

Science & Technology

Billionaire Peter Thiel Announces His Yacht Isn’t Fast Enough Due to ‘Computational Lag’ in Our Simulated Universe—Plans to Overclock Reality

Hold the phone, Elon Musk—your Martian dreams might be on hold. Why? Because billionaire Peter Thiel, who once bankrolled the ambitious quest for eternal life, has embarked on an even…

28

Aug 2023

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Buys Twitter’s Debt with Pocket Change and Pays People to Tweet – Because Why Not?

Elon Musk Buys Twitter's Debt with Pocket Change and Pays People to Tweet – Because Why Not? Hold onto your tweeting thumbs. In a move that makes as much sense…