Hospital Billing Department Offers 12-Month Payment Plan For The Fear It Caused
Patients can now spread the cost of opening the envelope across one manageable year of dread.
A hospital billing department has introduced a 12-month payment plan for the fear caused by receiving a hospital bill, allowing patients to spread the cost of opening the envelope across one manageable year of dread.
The plan applies to eligible fear charges, including “stomach drop,” “sudden need to sit,” “math performed on kitchen table,” and “brief fantasy of moving somewhere with a different healthcare system.”
“We understand that medical billing can be stressful,” said revenue cycle director Marla Cohn. “That is why we offer flexible fear financing with a low introductory panic rate for qualified patients.”
Patients who enroll online can choose between automatic monthly payments, paper statements, or the popular Silence Plan, where the hospital waits six weeks and then reappears with a number that looks randomly generated by a haunted calculator.
The hospital said it remains committed to compassionate care and reminded patients that crying on the phone does not pause interest.
