Author
Author: Marcus Reed
Marcus Reed covers technology, money, platforms, and powerful people explaining obvious problems with surprising confidence.
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Opinion
Opinion: If AI Is Taking Everyone’s Jobs, We Need To Talk About Casual Shoplifting
If AI is taking the jobs, society may need a more honest conversation about toothpaste, dignity, and locked CVS cabinets.
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Business
Federal Reserve Announces Economy Will Now Be Adjusted Using One Giant Thermostat In JPMorgan Chase Basement
The Federal Reserve has reportedly replaced monetary policy with one extremely powerful basement thermostat labeled Recession, Boat Summer, and Egg Prices.
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Science & Technology
Terror Alert: Taliban Claims Responsibility For Destroying Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin Rocket
The group said its long-running campaign against private spaceflight had achieved a major victory after a billionaire's rocket completed most of the work itself.
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Science & Technology
Elon Musk Furious After Losing Chess Match To OpenAI Chatbot That Kept Asking ‘Are You Sure?’
Elon Musk reportedly loses a private chess match to an OpenAI chatbot that kept calmly asking whether he was sure about his moves.
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Science & Technology
Reassuring: AI Slop Is Okay Now As Long As Everyone Agrees The Hands Are A Brand Choice
Marketing leaders say the public has matured past accuracy, proportion, readable copy, and whatever is happening to that dentist’s wrist.
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Science & Technology
Good News: After Cookie Consent Banners Went So Well, The European Union Is Brainstorming More Tiny Choices For The Whole Internet To Make Before Doing Anything
The bloc believes users have almost forgotten how grateful they are for being asked 19 times a day whether they want websites to work.
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Science & Technology
Bad News For Natural Selection: IVF Now Telling Weak Sperm They Can Grow Up To Be Somebody
Fertility experts say assisted reproduction has opened a dangerous new door for sperm that once would have been told to swim faster or make…
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Science & Technology
Former White Castle Employees Say Elon Musk Spent The Mid-’90s Carrying A Bucket Of ‘White Sauce’ And Calling It Humanity’s Backup Plan
Former White Castle coworkers allegedly remember the billionaire as an overnight-shift sauce visionary with a bucket, a population chart, and no respect for refrigeration.
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Science & Technology
Literacy Crisis: Neo-Nazis Showed Up To Mira Murati’s Neopets Demo After Misreading The Announcement
Former OpenAI executive Mira Murati reportedly unveiled a wholesome virtual-pet revival to investors, nostalgic millennials, and several men who stopped reading after “neo.”
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Science & Technology
Filthy: Nikita Boar Triple-Dipped In The Bacon Dip With His Greedy Little Snout
Witnesses say the X product head went snout-first into the communal bacon ranch, turning one kitchen island into a tiny barnyard tribunal.
