Author
Author: Tony McDonald
Tony McDonald writes about business, media, and public figures making the kind of choices that require a prepared statement.
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Business
Helpful: Grocery Store Now Lets Shoppers Round Up To Support The Grocery Store
The checkout prompt gives customers a simple way to help the supermarket continue charging them for groceries.
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Business
Dollar General Sells Tiny American Flag To Drape Over Overdraft Notice
The retailer says the product helps customers make bank fees feel like civic duty.
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Business
Heartwarming: Amazon Driver Waited Until Funeral Guests Left Before Asking For A Five-Star Rating
The driver stood respectfully near the folding chairs until the last aunt had placed her casserole dish in the trunk.
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Life & Style
Bad News: Wendy’s Will No Longer Allow Sex In Its Restrooms For Purchases Under $30
The chain said it remains committed to hospitality, but hospitality has to respect the difference between a value order and a legally meaningful evening.
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Politics
Healing The Brand: Starbucks Says Union Stores Will Get Bathroom Key Once Corporate Finishes Processing
The company said it supports access, dignity, and all other values that can be discussed after management finishes feeling attacked.
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Entertainment
Convenience Fee: Ticketmaster Adds $18 Charge For The Moment You Realize You Are Being Fucked
Executives said the new fee captures an important part of the live-event journey, namely the exact second hope leaves the body.
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Entertainment
Synergy: Warner Bros Discovery Deal Will Finally Let CNN Report From Inside HBO Bathroom
Executives said the combined company will create prestige journalism where every breaking update carries the emotional humidity of a resort murder.
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Life & Style
Value Menu: McDonald’s Adds Surge Pricing For People Crying In Drive-Thru
The chain said late-night sobbing demand has created pricing pressure around fries, Coke, and being asked to pull forward.
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Business
Bad News: The Endangered Animal McDonald’s Was Using In Its Soft Serve Has Officially Gone Extinct
McDonald's faces a dessert texture crisis after the endangered animal allegedly holding its soft serve together goes extinct.
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Business
Carnival Announces Disease Transparency Initiative After Passengers Ask Why Floating Buffets Full Of Retired Strangers Still Exist
Cruise lines promise real-time cough maps and vomit alerts as passengers continue booking giant wet malls with buffet access.
