Author
Author: Tony McDonald
Tony McDonald writes about business, media, and public figures making the kind of choices that require a prepared statement.
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Business
Red Lobster Denies Using Industrial Dye To Make Lobster Look Redder
Red Lobster denies using an industrial coloring agent to make lobster look aggressively red after former kitchen employees describe a suspicious Crimson Spectrum.
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Business
Bad Look: Guzman y Gomez Launches 5 A.M. Drive-Thru Tequila Menu For Hungover Tradies
Guzman y Gomez has launched a 5 a.m. drive-thru hard-liquor and paired-food menu for hungover tradies, insisting every Breakfast Margarita is responsible because it…
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Entertainment
Warning Sign: A New Tate McRae Single Is Now Considered A Reliable Indicator To Sell Fucking Everything
Wall Street analysts say McRae's career has become impossible to separate from consumer weakness, shaky portfolios, and one trader selling his couch at 9:42…
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Business
Finally: DoorDash Will Now Come Inside And Play Video Games With Single Dads While They Eat Pizza
DoorDash Dad Night turns pizza delivery into a 45-minute companionship window with Player 2 support, light praise of the TV size, and one legally…
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Business
Hard Times: Chick-fil-A Now Limiting Customers To 1 Paper Towel Square And 4 Toilet Paper Squares
Chick-fil-A is addressing its serious financial problems by limiting customers to one square of paper towel and four squares of two-ply toilet paper, and…
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Business
A Win For Equality: Nando’s Replaces Every Toilet With Gender-Neutral Urinals
Nando's Australia is piloting gender-neutral urinals by removing every toilet from select restaurants, calling the bad room a win for equality.
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Entertainment
Anderson Cooper Leaves 60 Minutes After Children Refuse Multiple Requests For Comment
The veteran correspondent said he wants to spend more time with his young children while they still want to spend time with him, pending…
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Culture
Opinion: Oil Spills Are Fine And Everyone Needs To Stop Acting Like The Ocean Didn’t Ask For A Little Shine
A suspiciously industry-friendly columnist explains why oil spills are not disasters, but tasteful surface upgrades for an underperforming ocean.
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Science & Technology
Former Blue Origin Staff Say Jeff Bezos Spent Years Filling Conference Rooms With Giant Phallic Objects And Calling It Engineering
Former staffers allege the billionaire kept presenting towering cylinders, confidence silhouettes, and suspiciously regal rockets while asking everyone to be normal about it.
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Entertainment
Paramount CTO Phil Wiser Leaves After One Last Farewell Email Nobody Made It Past
The departing tech chief left Paramount with a warm internal memo, a transition plan, and enough transformation language to fog up Outlook.
