Author
Author: Tony McDonald
Tony McDonald writes about business, media, and public figures making the kind of choices that require a prepared statement.
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Life & Style
Value Menu: McDonald’s Adds Surge Pricing For People Crying In Drive-Thru
The chain said late-night sobbing demand has created pricing pressure around fries, Coke, and being asked to pull forward.
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Business
Bad News: The Endangered Animal McDonald’s Was Using In Its Soft Serve Has Officially Gone Extinct
McDonald's faces a dessert texture crisis after the endangered animal allegedly holding its soft serve together goes extinct.
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Business
Carnival Announces Disease Transparency Initiative After Passengers Ask Why Floating Buffets Full Of Retired Strangers Still Exist
Cruise lines promise real-time cough maps and vomit alerts as passengers continue booking giant wet malls with buffet access.
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Business
Rome Has Fallen: Domino’s Set To Phase Out Complimentary Butt Slap For Orders Over $30
The chain says the $30 threshold will still trigger rewards points, which is not the same and everyone knows it.
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Business
Coca-Cola Announces New Pre-Shaken Soda That Arrives Already Warm And Slightly Opened
Coca-Cola announces Coke Familiar, a pre-shaken soda that arrives already warm, dented, and slightly opened.
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Business
Papa Johns Facing Investor Revolt After New Pizza For People Who Still Clap When Planes Land Campaign Tanks
Papa Johns faces investor panic after its Backyard Cobb Za campaign makes customers remember ordinary pepperoni exists.
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Business
‘We Know You Need A Battery Right Now’: RadioShack Returns After Discovering Americans Still Panic-Buy One Weird Adapter
RadioShack has returned after discovering Americans still need a physical store for one weird battery, one weird adapter, and a man named Dennis.
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Business
Red Lobster Denies Using Industrial Dye To Make Lobster Look Redder
Red Lobster denies using an industrial coloring agent to make lobster look aggressively red after former kitchen employees describe a suspicious Crimson Spectrum.
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Business
Bad Look: Guzman y Gomez Launches 5 A.M. Drive-Thru Tequila Menu For Hungover Tradies
Guzman y Gomez has launched a 5 a.m. drive-thru hard-liquor and paired-food menu for hungover tradies, insisting every Breakfast Margarita is responsible because it…
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Entertainment
Warning Sign: A New Tate McRae Single Is Now Considered A Reliable Indicator To Sell Fucking Everything
Wall Street analysts say McRae's career has become impossible to separate from consumer weakness, shaky portfolios, and one trader selling his couch at 9:42…
