Tag
Tag: Donald Trump
Running jokes
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Science & Technology
National Security: Trump Says Anthropic Can Restore Mythos And Fable If The Next Model Is Named After Him And Compliments Him First
The White House said access could return once Anthropic proves its next model understands respect, licensing, and the phrase "Sir, you were right again."
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Politics
Patriot Points: ICE Launches Rewards Card For Americans Who Turn In Five Coworkers
Officials said the program will make enforcement feel more like coffee loyalty and less like something everyone used to pretend was ugly.
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Politics
Patriotic: Trump Announces NBA Finals Booing Will Be Added To National Anthem As Percussion
The White House said the crowd noise proved Americans were finally ready for an anthem arrangement with more honesty in the lower register.
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Politics
Leaked Trump Gaza Plan Includes Complimentary Tote Bag For Every Palestinian Who Agrees To Become A Former Resident
WASHINGTON—A leaked version of President Donald Trump’s Gaza redevelopment plan reportedly includes luxury coastal districts, foreign investment corridors, a U.S.-backed authority, and a complimentary…
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Politics
BREAKING: Trump Declares War On Taco Bell Restroom After 45 Minutes Inside With No Clear Exit Strategy
Aides say the president remains in command, although several staffers admitted the restroom has now held its position longer than anyone expected.
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Politics
Americans Briefly Consider Whether Losing Might Have Been Better After Latest “Historic Win” Leaves Country Financially Damp And Exhausted
Americans begin wondering whether one boring little loss might feel better than another historic win at the grocery store.
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Politics
President Trump Declares Total War On Kars4Kids After Hearing Jingle 11 Times During Dental Procedure
President Trump reportedly opened a new front against Kars4Kids after a dental procedure exposed him to the jingle one too many times.
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Entertainment
No Comment: Trump Throws Stephen Colbert Into Dumpster After Final Late Show
Donald Trump marked the end of Stephen Colbert's Late Show run by placing the host in a dumpster and completing the familiar rally dance…
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Politics
Public-Private Partnership: Trump Appoints Time Apple To Run Every Clock In America After Learning Tim Cook Already Works At Apple
The White House says Time Apple will coordinate iPhones, watches, daylight saving, and whatever the president thinks Apple CEO Tim Cook is called.
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Politics
Opinion: I Miss When Joe Biden Would Pat Me On The Back And Call Me Sport
America has lost something important, and I am not talking about decorum, bipartisanship, or whatever cable news is mad about today.
