Politics

Supreme Court Rules Teen Vape Pen Protected By Founders’ Original Intent To Look Sick Behind A Barn

The majority found that the right to exhale mango fog while lying to adults is deeply rooted in the nation's history.

Science & Technology

NASA Confirms Mars Sample Is Mostly Dust And A Note Asking Earth To Stop Sending Men

Scientists say the sample contains minerals, oxidized compounds, and a surprisingly direct interplanetary boundary.

Life & Style

County Fair Adds Horny Jail After Third Dad Gets Too Patriotic Around Tilt-A-Whirl

Fair officials say the holding pen gives certain men a place to cool down before the livestock auction.

Life & Style

Wedding Venue Adds Deposit For Best Man Speech That Mentions Vegas, Jail, Or The Bride’s Sister

Coordinators say the policy protects families from speeches that begin with "the statute of limitations is up."

Culture

Funeral Home Offers Influencer Package For Families Who Want Ring Light Near The Casket

The director says families grieve differently, and some grieve in portrait mode beside lilies.

Business

College Career Center Gives Graduates Complimentary Parking-Lot Breakdown Headshot

The school says the service helps graduates enter the job market with a professional photo and fresh curb trauma.

Life & Style

Dermatologists Beg Dads To Stop Calling Sunscreen Makeup

Doctors say SPF 50 is not a gender identity, even when applied to the nose by a wife with a beach bag.

Life & Style

Public Health: Federal Officials Replace Food Pyramid With Picture Of Man Doubting Seed Oils

Nutrition experts said Americans need clearer guidance, such as a silhouette making one suspicious face at a bottle.

Politics

Grassroots: One Nation Fundraiser Raises Enough To Buy Australia One More Uncle With A Ring Light

Party officials said the donor surge proves Australians want change, billboards, and a man named Daryl filming in portrait mode beside a ute.

Culture

Just Checking: Target Self-Checkout Asks Whether Theft Is For Hunger, Rage, Or A Little Treat

The retailer said the prompt helps distinguish survival, protest, and the kind of tiny candle behavior nobody wants to name directly.