Category: Business

Life & Style

Bad News: Wendy’s Will No Longer Allow Sex In Its Restrooms For Purchases Under $30

The chain said it remains committed to hospitality, but hospitality has to respect the difference between a value order and a legally meaningful evening.

Politics

Public-Private Partnership: Fox News Immigration Segment Sponsored By Ankle Monitor Company

The network said viewers deserve border coverage with clear villains, strong graphics, and a consumer product that knows where your uncle is.

Politics

Thank You For Your Service Fee: Pentagon Contractor Adds Tip Screen Before Drone Strike

The contractor said the prompt gives taxpayers a chance to support the hardworking team making war feel like a checkout kiosk.

Culture

Student Wellness: University Charges $4,000 To Teach Freshmen To Tell Other Freshmen To Download Calm

Administrators said the peer-support model expands access by letting overwhelmed 18-year-olds redirect other overwhelmed 18-year-olds to an app.

Science & Technology

Safety First: Tesla Requires Drivers To Verbally Release It From Liability Every 11 Seconds

The car will continue driving once the operator clearly states that anything currently happening is probably their fault.

Politics

Election Integrity: Voting Machine Thanks You For Your Donation Before Counting Ballot

Officials said the new civic interface does not influence votes, though it does briefly ask whether democracy has earned 18%.

Politics

Healing The Brand: Starbucks Says Union Stores Will Get Bathroom Key Once Corporate Finishes Processing

The company said it supports access, dignity, and all other values that can be discussed after management finishes feeling attacked.

Culture

People First: Company Replaces HR With Praying Hands Emoji That Reacts To Harassment Claims

Executives said employees wanted a faster, warmer way to feel completely alone after reporting something awful.

Life & Style

Tax Season: TurboTax Adds Button That Says I Am Too Poor To Be This Scared

The company said the button helps users express the gap between their refund size and the fear generated by a federal acronym.

Entertainment

Convenience Fee: Ticketmaster Adds $18 Charge For The Moment You Realize You Are Being Fucked

Executives said the new fee captures an important part of the live-event journey, namely the exact second hope leaves the body.