Life & Style

Tax Season: TurboTax Adds Button That Says I Am Too Poor To Be This Scared

The company said the button helps users express the gap between their refund size and the fear generated by a federal acronym.

Entertainment

Convenience Fee: Ticketmaster Adds $18 Charge For The Moment You Realize You Are Being Fucked

Executives said the new fee captures an important part of the live-event journey, namely the exact second hope leaves the body.

Science & Technology

TikTok Adds Bedtime Mode That Shows Your Own Wasted Life Back To You

The app says the feature helps users wind down by confronting the shape of the night they just fed it.

Life & Style

Side Effects: Ozempic Ad Warns Users They May Start Seeing Their Marriage Clearly

The updated warning says some patients experience reduced appetite, nausea, and the sudden ability to describe what Keith has been doing for eight years.

Life & Style

Bare Fare: Spirit Airlines Introduces $12 Option To Keep Your Knees Legally Inside Your Body

The airline said passengers deserve choice, especially when that choice concerns the basic geometry of their own legs.

Gaming

New York Officials Declare State Of Emergency After Knicks Fans Experience Hope Without A Coping Plan

City workers say the championship parade left thousands of residents exposed to optimism they were not medically prepared to process.

Music

Merch Table: As I Lay Dying Announce Wife Beater Tour And Ask Fans To Focus On The Tank Tops

The band said the name refers strictly to sleeveless shirts, which is exactly the kind of sentence a publicist loves having to say out…

Life & Style

Hospitality: Marriott Adds In-Room Camera To Confirm Guests Are Enjoying Resort Fee

The chain said passive enjoyment can be hard to measure, especially when guests keep using words like scam in the privacy of their rooms.

Life & Style

Public Health: RFK Jr. Replaces Vaccine Schedule With Whatever Your Aunt Texted The Group Chat

Officials said the update restores trust by letting public health guidance arrive with twelve question marks and a sunflower emoji.

Science & Technology

Free Speech: X Premium Tier Lets Users Buy One Personal Reply From Elon Blaming Their Divorce On Wokeness

The platform said the feature gives paying users a rare chance to feel seen by the richest man misunderstanding their life.