Entertainment

Ye Loses Landmark Court Case Against Wet Wipes After Judge Rules They Were “Simply Moist”

LOS ANGELES: Ye, the artist formerly known as Kanye West, suffered another legal defeat Tuesday after a Los Angeles judge dismissed his $48 million…

Life & Style

Grandma Is Doing Keto, Which Means No More Biscuits

BABYLON, USA — In what grieving family members are calling “an absolutely disproportionate response to one Facebook video,” local grandmother Geraldine “Nana” Whitaker, 78,…

Music

Sam Altman Featured On Drake’s Upcoming Album ICEMAN

TORONTO – Drake confirmed Tuesday that OpenAI CEO Sam Altman will appear on three tracks from his upcoming album ICEMAN, marking what industry executives…

Music

Bad News For Clean Jeans: Fractal Is Readying The Release of The FM10 With Touchscreen And Enough SHARC Power To Ruin Guitar Forums

The FM9 successor reportedly keeps the sacred nine-switch footprint, adds the touchscreen everyone pretends not to want, and sells the expression pedal separately because…

Decipher All Of These Metal Band Logos And Win Some Candy

A simple visual literacy test for anyone who owns a long-sleeve shirt with eleven unreadable names on the back.

Entertainment

Eric Andre Finally Goes Too Far, Forces Entire Farmers Market To Participate In Fake Courtroom Sentencing

LOS ANGELES — After nearly two decades of escalating public chaos, comedian Eric Andre reportedly crossed a definitive cultural line Saturday morning by transforming…

Music

Nation Increasingly Concerned Nobody Has Ever Had A Bad Thing To Say About Jack White

DETROIT — Cultural analysts confirmed Tuesday that America may be facing a dangerous collapse in artistic accountability after another full calendar year passed without…

Politics

Canberra Urges Australians To Prioritize Downhill Trips As Fuel Crisis Drags On

With the national fuel plan still at Level 2, the government has released voluntary guidance asking households to consider route gradients before using scarce…

Culture

Uh Oh: Dr. Jordan B. Peterson Has Entered Witness Protection After Blowing The Whistle On The Canadian Maple Syrup Mafia

The controversial psychologist reportedly crossed the wrong people after accusing Canada's syrup industry of running "a sticky little archipelago of Jungian intimidation."

Music

Lars Ulrich Announces Solo Album Made Entirely Of Simple Drum Fills And Snare Rolls

The Metallica drummer is finally giving fans the unvarnished sound of a man reaching a chorus and deciding the snare should handle it.