Science & Technology

Tech Leaders Promise AI Will Not Replace Humans, Merely Reassign Them As Organic Battery Units

Tech leaders reassure workers that AI will not replace them, only reassign them as warm stationary battery units for server infrastructure.

Science & Technology

Tibo From OpenAI Has Been Quietly Taking Money From Big Reset, Which Explains The Button

SAN FRANCISCO — Thibault Sottiaux, the OpenAI member of technical staff closely associated with Codex, has been quietly receiving payments from the reset button…

Life & Style

Drunk Uncle Still Slipping You $20 And Calling You A Good Kid Despite Mounting Evidence You Are A 34-Year-Old Man

A drunk uncle continues slipping his 34-year-old nephew twenty dollars and calling him a good kid despite clear evidence of adulthood.

Music

Review: Periphery’s ‘A Pale White Dot’ Sounds Like A Gaming PC Trying To Win Custody

Periphery's new album is huge, immaculate, and emotionally structured like a custody hearing conducted inside a $14,000 gaming PC.

Science & Technology

Walmart adds AI to its name, stock surges

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Walmart’s stock has surged 3,000% after executives quietly added the letters “AI” to the company’s name and informed investors the retail…

Music

SELENA GOMEZ MUSIC THEFT SUSPECT WALKS FREE

LOS ANGELES – A 31-year-old man accused of stealing and leaking unreleased music from Selena Gomez pleaded guilty Tuesday before being immediately released by…

Culture

‘Bring Back Fear’: Brisbane Broncos Accidentally Rebuild Entire Club Around 2006 Premiership Team

The Brisbane Broncos tried to honor the 2006 premiership side and accidentally created a clubwide operating model based on wraparound Oakleys and fear.

Life & Style

Australia’s 13 Highest-Paying Jobs Are Mostly Men Near A Ute Saying The Timeline’s Blown Out

The country's top salary list is apparently just FIFO money, LinkedIn cosplay, and one man in Barangaroo measuring mindfulness engagement.

Culture

Opinion: Oil Spills Are Fine And Everyone Needs To Stop Acting Like The Ocean Didn’t Ask For A Little Shine

A suspiciously industry-friendly columnist explains why oil spills are not disasters, but tasteful surface upgrades for an underperforming ocean.

Science & Technology

Former Blue Origin Staff Say Jeff Bezos Spent Years Filling Conference Rooms With Giant Phallic Objects And Calling It Engineering

Former staffers allege the billionaire kept presenting towering cylinders, confidence silhouettes, and suspiciously regal rockets while asking everyone to be normal about it.