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Music
Sleep Token Announces New Album, Tracklist Leaks Mysteriously Online
Mysterious, mask-clad, genre-defying cult favorite Sleep Token has announced their highly anticipated new album, titled Devotions and Detachments, sending fans into a spiral of excitement, introspection, and…
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Entertainment
YouTube Guitarist Jared Dines Exposed as Absolute Monster
SEATTLE, WA — Your favorite YouTube guitar is a monster, we’re sorry. Sources have confirmed that YouTube guitarist Jared Dines is, in fact, a…
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Quizes
QUIZ: Grandma’s About to Kick the Bucket—How Will You Spend Your Inheritance?
Look, we all love Grandma. She’s a sweet old lady with a heart of gold, a purse full of peppermint candies, and a suspiciously…
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Life & Style
Wellness Influencer Declares Her Body A Temple While Dropping Another MDMA Pill At Local Rave Under 5G Towers
LOS ANGELES, CA — Local wellness influencer and self-proclaimed “spiritual goddess” Luna Starbeam took to social media last night to remind her followers that…
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Life & Style
Elon Musk Offers Discounted Teslas to Women Who Agree to Carry His Offspring, Declares Himself ‘Father of Mars’
AUSTIN, TX – In his latest attempt to outdo his own absurdity, billionaire tech overlord Elon Musk has announced an unprecedented new Tesla discount…
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Music
Misha Mansoor Exposed: Periphery Frontman Caught Taking More Bribes From Big Pharma as Fans Uncover Prescription Drug References in Lyrics
Progressive metal mastermind and Periphery guitarist Misha Mansoor has once again found himself in hot water after leaked documents revealed he has been accepting…
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Entertainment
Blake Lively Accuses Barista Who Got Her Order Wrong of Sexual Harassment
NEW YORK, NY — Hollywood actress Blake Lively shocked fans this week after she publicly accused a Manhattan barista of sexual harassment following an…
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Entertainment
Black Market for Stolen Netflix Passwords Booms Amidst National Chaos
The seemingly innocent phrase “I cancelled my Netflix. Can I have your password?” has transformed into a sinister harbinger of chaos and violence nationwide.…
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Science & Technology
Elon Musk Announces Plan to Stockpile All Moon Cheese for Personal Consumption
Eccentric billionaire Elon Musk has announced his intention to hoard all of the cheese found on the moon for his own personal use. The…
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Music
From ‘Hey Jude’ to ‘Hey, You’re Mentally Unwell’: The Beatles’ Dark Legacy Exposed
The beloved and once-revered Beatles are now being exposed as vile manipulators who preyed on mentally unwell fans to achieve fame and fortune. This…
