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Entertainment
Chris Brown Proves That Beating Women Is the Key to Success
Are you tired of working hard and not seeing any results in your career? Well, look no further than Chris Brown, the ultimate example…
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Music
Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill
The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as “The Vessel,” was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to…
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Science & Technology
Elon Musk’s death beam satellite: a game-changer or a recipe for disaster?
In an announcement that surprised no one, Elon Musk revealed that his latest invention, a death beam satellite, is almost complete. But fear not.…
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Life & Style
Exhausted Soccer Mom Delivers Knockout Blow to Conor McGregor in Walmart Parking Lot Brawl
It was a typical Tuesday evening at the local Walmart parking lot when washed-up drunk and former UFC champion Conor McGregor met his match.…
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Music
Blink 182’s Linguistic Incompetence: A Study in Mispronunciation
It’s a question that has plagued music enthusiasts for decades: why do band’s like Blink 182 insist on mispronouncing words like “head”? After extensive…
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Music
It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled
After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in…
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Opinion
OPINION: How Can a Band With the Word Dragons in Its Name Be So Terrible? Imagine Dragons We Need to Talk
It’s a question that’s been on the minds of music lovers everywhere: How can a band with the word dragons in its name be…
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Entertainment
Dr Phil Rocks the Metal Scene With Unfortunate Slip of the Tongue
In a shocking turn of events, renowned talk show host and self-help guru Dr Phil McGraw has unwittingly managed to anger a large portion…
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Music
Juicy J’s Bed Bug Bonanza: We Bought a Mattress That Turned Our Bedroom into a Fucking Horror Movie!
We purchased a mattress from Juicy J’s Amazing Mattress Emporium on a dark and stormy night. The neon sign flickered, casting an eerie glow…
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Life & Style
Shit Just Got Real: In-N-Out Burger Says ‘Fuck No’ to Fucking in the Restrooms
Straight from the grease-slicked heart of California, a travesty is unfolding. In-N-Out Burger, the fast food joint worshipped for its secret sauce and animal-style…
