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Opinion
OPINION: America Needs More Guns
America’s problem isn’t too many guns. It’s not enough guns. The solution to our national woes; crime, political gridlock, even the occasional bear sighting…
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Music
Architects’ The Sky, The Earth & All Between Album Review: A Christian Mom Warns of Satan’s Latest Hit Record
I’ve been a Christian mom for 16 years, and I thought I’d seen it all. Pokémon cards with witchcraft vibes, that Harry Potter nonsense,…
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Life & Style
KFC Seizes Texas in Greasy Coup, Declares State a “Chickenocracy”
PLANO, TX – Texans traded their ten-gallon hats for gravy-stained bucket lids today after Kentucky Fried Chicken executed a hostile takeover of the state…
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Life & Style
Yale University’s Big Segregation Comeback: “America’s Back, and We’ve Got the Dorms to Prove It!”
New Haven, CT – Yale University, the Ivy League’s self-proclaimed arbiter of moral superiority, has decided to dust off an old American playbook and…
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Entertainment
Timothée Chalamet Exposed: Hollywood’s Golden Boy Has a Dark Side
Los Angeles, CA – Timothée Chalamet, the floppy-haired darling of indie cinema and heartthrob to millions, might not be the saintly artist his PR…
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Entertainment
Lynne Marie Stewart Found Dead at 78: Was Alec Baldwin’s Latest “Accident” a Cover-Up for Hollywood’s Darkest Secret?
Los Angeles, CA – February 24, 2025 – Lynne Marie Stewart, the actress who brought chain-smoking Bonnie Kelly to life on It’s Always Sunny…
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Life & Style
Pope Francis Orders Vatican to “Party Like It’s 999” as He Nears the End
ROME – With Pope Francis clinging to life in Gemelli Hospital, the Vatican dropped a bombshell Monday afternoon that has Catholics worldwide clutching their…
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Entertainment
Alec Baldwin Secretly Celebrates Trump’s Re-Election: ‘Finally, Four More Years of Steady Work!’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — While many in Hollywood recoiled in horror at Donald Trump’s shocking return to the White House, sources close to everyone’s favorite…
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Boomer Leaves Phone Flashlight On for Three Days
SPRINGFIELD, IL – A local 67-year-old man, Richard “Rick” Thompson, has reportedly had his phone flashlight on for three consecutive days and still has…
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Entertainment
Opinion: Travis Kelce Is Human Garbage, And It’s Time We Admit It
America has had its fair share of villains—Benedict Arnold, the guy who invented robocalls, whoever keeps putting lettuce on my cheeseburger—but none have been…
