Life & Style

Breakthrough: Joe Rogan Announces He Is Now Joe Rogain After Three Small Patches Of Hair Agree To Come Back

The podcaster says the tiny scalp uprising proves that men can achieve anything with discipline, supplements, and refusing to look directly at the mirror.

Kim Kardashian Has Failed Barista School

LOS ANGELES – Kim Kardashian’s latest professional reinvention ended this week in the only place that still believes in standards, a strip-mall barista certification…

Science & Technology

Kanye West Spotted Wearing Anthropic’s New AI Safety Butt Plug

The new wearable reportedly delivers real-time constitutional feedback whenever the user attempts to start a sentence everyone in the room already regrets.

Entertainment

Margot Robbie Has Been Lying About Her Birthplace This Entire Time

A VanFlip investigation into Margot Robbie, Dalby, and the Queensland fruit landmark now at the center of a celebrity birthplace mystery.

Music

Drake’s Three New Albums Are So Bad Trump Needs To Send Troops To Canada Immediately

After Drake dropped Iceman, Habibti, and Maid of Honour, several officials became convinced Canada had lost control of its most dangerous export.

Culture

Heartbreaking: Pete Davidson Reportedly Split From Elsie Hewitt After Their Baby Refused To Laugh At His New-Dad Material

The couple's daughter is said to be the top priority, despite having contributed almost nothing to the household's comedy climate.

Music

Rick Rubin Finally Gets Caught Out

LOS ANGELES – Music producer Rick Rubin is facing mounting scrutiny this week after a three-month industry investigation concluded that he may not have…

Politics

Strong Leadership: Trump Spent Xi’s Entire Taiwan Warning With His Eyes Closed To Better Visualize The Deal

Officials say the president was simply receiving Xi's Taiwan warning in a very interior way.

Opinion

WHY IRAN DESERVES THE BOMB

I’m just going to say it. Give Iran the nuclear weapons. Not because I hate America. Quite the opposite. I love America so much…

Music

Violet Grohl’s “Be Sweet To Me” Has A Bug In The Cake: Record Review

Violet Grohl's debut album is sweet, suspicious, and badly in need of someone checking under the frosting for witnesses.