Politics

Australian Federal Budget Expands Dream Of One Day Renting A Slightly Nicer Stranger’s House

The Australian Federal Budget gives renters renewed hope of one day renting a slightly nicer stranger's house.

Science & Technology

Taiwan Responds To Trump’s Maybe-We-Defend-You Routine By Casually Reminding America Who Makes Literally Everything

Taiwan answers Trump's defense waffling by politely letting America remember where the chips, phones, AI servers, and global panic all come from.

Science & Technology

Dario Orders Cafeteria Staff To Water Down Juice As Anthropic Faces Compute Crisis

SAN FRANCISCO – Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei reportedly ordered cafeteria staff this week to begin watering down all office juice dispensers by 35% as…

Politics

Australians Asked If They’re Ready To Get Fucked Again When Fuel Relief Ends

Australians are being asked if they are ready to get financially ruined again when temporary fuel relief ends.

Entertainment

Local Woman Clarifies Her Pitbull Would Never Hurt Anyone Because He Is A 44-Year-Old Grammy Winner

A local woman keeps terrifying neighbors by saying her Pitbull would never hurt anyone before clarifying she means the Grammy-winning musician.

Life & Style

Local Dad Enters Craft Brewing Era, Forces Entire Cul-De-Sac To Learn What Mouthfeel Means

A local dad enters his craft brewing era and forces the entire cul-de-sac to learn what mouthfeel means.

Life & Style

Local Mom Continues Calling Baby ‘Heartbreaker’ Despite Mounting Community Confusion

A Cincinnati mom keeps calling her baby a heartbreaker despite mounting confusion from the local moms circle.

Opinion

I Thought Reverse Cramer Was A Sex Position

NEW YORK – For nearly two years, I believed “reverse Cramer” referred to an aggressive but ultimately disappointing sex position performed by divorced people…

Culture

Grand Theft Auto VI Leak Has Longtime Fans Quietly Asking, “Wait, Can The Game Judge You Now?”

The rumored Public Presence system allegedly tracks the real crimes: bad parking, indoor vaping, boat-ramp behavior, and making every waitress regret eye contact.

Culture

‘Still Your Friend’: Tom From MySpace Reveals He Is Waiting Online For Millennials To Come Back

Tom from MySpace is reportedly still online and waiting for millennials to return after every other platform became a slot machine with push notifications.