Category: Culture

Science & Technology

Literacy Crisis: Neo-Nazis Showed Up To Mira Murati’s Neopets Demo After Misreading The Announcement

Former OpenAI executive Mira Murati reportedly unveiled a wholesome virtual-pet revival to investors, nostalgic millennials, and several men who stopped reading after “neo.”

Music

Species Fraud: Doja Cat Exposed As Lying Little Scoundrel Who Is Not Actually A Cat

The artist reportedly failed several basic feline tests, including the laser pointer, the cardboard box, and pretending not to hear her own name.

Music

Humiliating: Sleep Token’s Vessel Got Sick On A Renaissance Fair Rollercoaster And Slurred ‘I’m Vessel’ At A Concerned Falconer

The masked frontman reportedly lost the ancient mystery after one lap on a child-sized dragon coaster and a heroic paper cup of water.

Culture

Damage Control: Sneako Clarifies He Came On The Cuck Couch To Demonstrate What Happens When Men Stop Reading Plato

Sneako explains the hotel couch situation as a brave philosophical stand against Western decline.

Life & Style

Concerning: Theo Von Has Developed A Sick Little Motor Oil Obsession And Keeps Calling It Country Espresso

The comedian insists the dipstick is part of a wellness ritual, while everyone else in the studio asks why the coasters are permanently ruined.

Science & Technology

Cosmic Horror: Neil deGrasse Tyson Lost A Quarter Down The Couch And Keeps Calling It An Event Horizon

The astrophysicist says the coin has not vanished, merely crossed into a region of spacetime where loose change and remote controls stop returning calls.

Entertainment

No Comment: Trump Throws Stephen Colbert Into Dumpster After Final Late Show

Donald Trump marked the end of Stephen Colbert's Late Show run by placing the host in a dumpster and completing the familiar rally dance…

Culture

J.K. Rowling Announces Plan To Personally Inspect Every Woman In Britain Just To Be Safe

EDINBURGH—J.K. Rowling has reportedly announced a sweeping new personal initiative to inspect every woman in Britain, telling close associates that the nation’s institutions can…

Culture

Bad News: Greta Thunberg Has Started Going Door-To-Door In Sweden

The Swedish activist has reportedly launched a door-knocking campaign after residents were heard enjoying the sunshine without first making a small defeated comment about…

Culture

Boundary Setting: Pokimane Asked Fans To Stop Referring To Her Apartment As ‘Our Place’

The streamer clarified that a monthly subscription includes emotes, chat badges, and emotional volatility, but not a California tenancy arrangement.