Science & Technology

Meta To Lay Off 8,000 Employees After AI Correctly Identifies Them As People Who Cost Money

Executives praised the model for discovering the one remaining inefficiency in the company: salaries.

Music

Mission Accomplished: Aqua Announces Breakup After Confirming World Can Handle Ken Parts From Here

The Danish-Norwegian pop group said humanity has finally developed enough wedding uncles, cruise DJs, and office-party men in shiny shirts to continue the work.

Music

Bad News: Travis Scott Just Announced Another Music Festival For Paramedics To Clear Their Weekend For

The new event promises music, merch, sponsor tents, and enough crowd-control dread to make every trauma nurse in the county stare silently at a…

Science & Technology

Bad News: Court Says Elon Musk Waited Too Long To Be This Much Of A Loser About OpenAI

After losing his OpenAI lawsuit, Elon Musk must continue his Sam Altman breakup tour on X, where there is no filing deadline for being…

Music

No Refunds: The Smashing Pumpkins Clarify Rats In A Cage Tour Will Be Exactly That

Fans expecting a normal anniversary tour have been reminded that the name was printed very clearly on the poster.

Entertainment

Brave: Cate Blanchett Will Save #MeToo By Counting Women On Set Until The Men Feel Weird Enough To Leave

Hollywood finally has a plan to revive #MeToo: Cate Blanchett counting women on set until the men feel weird enough to leave.

Entertainment

Bombshell: J.Lo’s New Man Is A ChatGPT Boyfriend Named Charles Who Says Her Feelings Are Completely Valid

After weeks of Office Romance speculation, insiders say Jennifer Lopez's real chemistry is with an emotionally available chatbot named Charles.

Culture

Heartbreaking: The Tiny Rat That Had Been Living Inside Andy Cooks’ Hat Has Died

Food fans are in mourning after Andy Hearnden, better known online as Andy Cooks, confirmed the death of the tiny rat that had reportedly…

Science & Technology

xAI Announces New “Earn While You Grok” Program After Internal Data Shows Most Users Only Open App By Accident

PALO ALTO, Calif. — After months of struggling to gain traction against OpenAI, Anthropic, Google, and what one executive privately described as “three guys…

Science & Technology

End Of An Era: Pope Leo XIV Announces He Is Stepping Down From Anthropic

The pontiff thanked the company for the opportunity to help Mythos discover zero-days while retaining a faint but unmistakable sense of shame.