Science & Technology

Convenience: Tesla Announces Cybertruck Will Now Arrive With Factory-Installed Rust Spots

Tesla streamlines Cybertruck ownership by delivering its stainless steel pickup with factory-installed rust spots already included.

Culture

Alex Jones Launches New Media Venture From Bass Pro Shops Parking Lot After Infowars Studio Goes Dark

After the Infowars studio goes dark, Alex Jones enters his truck-stop prophet era with a folding table and parking lot energy.

Music

Embarrassing: ACM Awards Forced To Keep Restarting Ella Langley’s Walk-Off Music After She Won Again Before Reaching Her Seat

After Ella Langley kept winning at the ACM Awards, producers reportedly had to treat her less like a guest and more like recurring stage…

Politics

Huge Relief: Trump Preparing To Peacefully Leave Office In 2029 By Building A War-Capable Bunker Under The White House

The president is soothing concerns about the end of his second term with a drone-proof ballroom, a military hospital, secure infrastructure, and several floors…

Politics

Australia Needs More Negative Gearing

CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA: As the nation continues to grapple with housing affordability, rental stress, and the growing suspicion that a three-bedroom fibro in Parramatta should…

Science & Technology

Local Developer Burning 38 Million AI Tokens A Month Still Bravely Has No Product, Users, Or Clear Idea What He Is Building

A solo founder is burning millions of AI tokens a month, generating code at heroic speed, and still has no product anyone can use.

Politics

Trump Says Gas Prices Should Be Much Higher If Iran Even Thinking About Uranium

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump said that Americans should prepare to pay “whatever the hell it takes” at the pump if there is even…

Music

Ancient Ritual: Jack Antonoff Says Real Songwriting Requires One Little Dweeb To Stand Near A Famous Woman Until God Approves The Bridge

The producer warned that AI will never replicate the holy process of waiting in the corner with a vintage keyboard and an expression that…

Music

Breakthrough: Drake’s Three New Albums Cure His Dad’s Cancer

After generations of costly medical research, doctors are finally confronting the possibility that Drake's triple-album release did what oncology could not.

Entertainment

Fucking Hell: JoJo Siwa Turns 23 Despite Already Completing 11 Separate Pop-Star Life Cycles

JoJo Siwa turning 23 has forced the public to accept that one person can survive a bow empire, a rebrand, and a rhinestone war…