Music

Charli XCX Announces She Is “Too Culturally Important” To Release Music That Can Be Enjoyed Offline

LONDON — Following the success of Brat, which somehow turned cigarette damage and dehydration into a global aesthetic, Charli XCX reportedly told executives at…

Life & Style

Bunnings Launches Flat Whites And Acai Bowls After Realizing Modern Tradies Spend $140,000 To Look Tired Professionally

Bunnings says the modern bloke still needs zip ties, but he now wants single-origin beans and purple fruit mush before buying a tap washer.

Entertainment

Opinion: Billy Madison Completely Distorted My Reality Of What The First Day Of School Would Be Like

The 1995 Adam Sandler film led me to believe the American education system was built around bus parades, dodgeball trauma, and adult millionaires repeating…

Music

Bridging The Digital Divide: Green Day’s Tré Cool Donated 6 MacBooks To Disadvantaged Children, Locked Them To Green Day Songs, Then Sued The Kids For Copyright Infringement

Green Day's Tré Cool gave six children free laptops, then discovered the most teachable moment of all was federal copyright litigation.

Culture

Call Of Duty Adds Open Mic Friday DLC That Rewards Teen Players For Telling Adult Strangers Too Much About Home

The new voice-chat feature reportedly gives double XP to players who keep the mic on, answer lobby questions, and unlock a camouflage skin called…

Life & Style

Australian Tradie Furious New Ford Ranger Only Intimidates Women, Cyclists, And His Own Financial Future

Codz says the $127,000 ute is nearly practical, once it scares the right people and stops fitting into car parks.

Culture

Bombshell Expose: After A Six-Month Investigation, We Can Reveal Bryan Johnson Is Being Raised By His Own Blood Work

The Blueprint founder has been called a tech entrepreneur, a longevity obsessive, and the man who wants to live forever. Our findings suggest something…

Science & Technology

Opinion: Why Is Everyone Afraid Of Ebola? It Sounds Like Something You’d Order With Lime

With Hantavirus and Ebola dominating the news, one columnist bravely asks whether America is overreacting to what is clearly a delicious regional dish.

Science & Technology

Gary Marcus Announces IRS “Will Never See A Fucking Nickel,” Challenges Federal Government To “Pull Up”

NEW YORK — Cognitive scientist and AI critic Gary Marcus reportedly spent most of Tuesday afternoon posting through it after declaring that the Internal…

Science & Technology

Scientists Announce New Asbestos

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Thursday the successful creation of a new form of asbestos capable of surviving…