Politics

Huge Relief: Trump Preparing To Peacefully Leave Office In 2029 By Building A War-Capable Bunker Under The White House

The president is soothing concerns about the end of his second term with a drone-proof ballroom, a military hospital, secure infrastructure, and several floors…

Politics

Australia Needs More Negative Gearing

CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA: As the nation continues to grapple with housing affordability, rental stress, and the growing suspicion that a three-bedroom fibro in Parramatta should…

Science & Technology

Local Developer Burning 38 Million AI Tokens A Month Still Bravely Has No Product, Users, Or Clear Idea What He Is Building

A solo founder is burning millions of AI tokens a month, generating code at heroic speed, and still has no product anyone can use.

Politics

Trump Says Gas Prices Should Be Much Higher If Iran Even Thinking About Uranium

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump said that Americans should prepare to pay “whatever the hell it takes” at the pump if there is even…

Music

Ancient Ritual: Jack Antonoff Says Real Songwriting Requires One Little Dweeb To Stand Near A Famous Woman Until God Approves The Bridge

The producer warned that AI will never replicate the holy process of waiting in the corner with a vintage keyboard and an expression that…

Music

Breakthrough: Drake’s Three New Albums Cure His Dad’s Cancer

After generations of costly medical research, doctors are finally confronting the possibility that Drake's triple-album release did what oncology could not.

Entertainment

Fucking Hell: JoJo Siwa Turns 23 Despite Already Completing 11 Separate Pop-Star Life Cycles

JoJo Siwa turning 23 has forced the public to accept that one person can survive a bow empire, a rebrand, and a rhinestone war…

Science & Technology

Meta To Lay Off 8,000 Employees After AI Correctly Identifies Them As People Who Cost Money

Executives praised the model for discovering the one remaining inefficiency in the company: salaries.

Music

Mission Accomplished: Aqua Announces Breakup After Confirming World Can Handle Ken Parts From Here

The Danish-Norwegian pop group said humanity has finally developed enough wedding uncles, cruise DJs, and office-party men in shiny shirts to continue the work.

Music

Bad News: Travis Scott Just Announced Another Music Festival For Paramedics To Clear Their Weekend For

The new event promises music, merch, sponsor tents, and enough crowd-control dread to make every trauma nurse in the county stare silently at a…