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Music
Corey Taylor Weighs In On the Shape of the Earth: “It’s Complicated, But Also, Not Really”
Corey Taylor, the Slipknot frontman known for his insightful commentary on everything from the existential dread of existence to the correct method of eating…
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Music
Review: SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet
Buckle up for a journey into the latest auditory anomaly unleashed by the paradoxically named Silent Planet with their album SUPERBLOOM. This album screams…
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Music
Jordan Fish of Bring Me The Horizon Inks Multi-Year Deal with Architects
Jordan Fish, the synth maestro of Bring Me The Horizon, has inked a historic multi-year contract with rival band Architects. The contract, rumored to…
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Music
Mac DeMarco Eyeing Off The Last Sandwich At The Office Christmas Party
It’s the office Christmas party, and everyone is gathered around the refreshment table. Platters of snacks, cookies, and other festive treats abound. But there’s…
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Life & Style
Grandpa Ignores Warning, Embarks on Psychotropic Lettuce Odyssey
In what could only be described as a heroic feat of culinary daring or the early onset of senility, local granddad Jerry “The Iron…
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Life & Style
Stick It To The Doughminatrix: Auntie Anne’s Announces New “Gender Neutral” Pretzels!
Hold on to your traditional gender roles, folks, because Auntie Anne’s is kneading out the binary with its latest woke bake: the “Gender Neutral”…
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Entertainment
Forget The 2023 Writers Guild of America Strike: Midgets are striking and it’s worse than you can ever imagine
Roll up, roll up, and feast your eyes on the latest spectacle to hit the boulevards of Hollywood—a cavalcade of pint-sized prima donnas has…
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Entertainment
Fiscal Spell Fail: JK Rowling Conjured Up a Dinner Tab She Wouldn’t Vanish
Wizards of Wall Street, hold onto your broomsticks and get ready for this latest magical mishap: JK Rowling, the literary sorceress who famously penned…
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Life & Style
Vaccination or Vacation? Local Man Mistakes Heroin for COVID Shot, Now High on Immunity and Everything Else
In a world where getting jabbed has become the new norm, one local man took “shooting up” to a whole new level. Meet Jerry,…
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Gaming
Grand Theft Auto 6 Goes Full Woke: Rockstar’s Latest Installment Swaps Violence for Virtue Signaling and Social Justice Missions
A controversial shift is shaking the gaming world to its core, Rockstar Games has announced the latest installment of its notoriously action-packed series, “Grand…
