Culture

Uh Oh: Anonymous Are Threatening To Leak Every “Do Your Own Research” Guy’s Google Search History

Anonymous has issued a chilling warning to the internet’s loudest self-appointed truth-seekers.

Science & Technology

AI Bubble Pops, Nation Forced To Remember How Anything Works

SAN FRANCISCO – Global markets entered freefall Monday after investors abruptly realized that artificial intelligence companies were losing approximately $14 for every $1 generated,…

Music

Paul McCartney — “The Boys Of Dungeon Lane” Record Review

The Boys Of Dungeon Lane is Paul McCartney’s strongest attempt yet to answer the question: what if a beloved former Beatle got trapped inside…

Science & Technology

Leaked Memo Says Bitcoin Quietly Hired A CEO To Fix The Brand’s Male Energy

The decentralized currency reportedly wants fewer midnight chart guys and more matte-black luxury restraint.

Music

Oh, Sleeper Announces First Album Since Bloodied / Unbowed, Promises “Most Grounded And Mature Material Yet”

Oh, Sleeper announces a new album that appears to be mostly about buying a house and surviving the housing market.

Science & Technology

Microsoft To Introduce Expanded Identity Verification For Windows Users Who Want To Open Their Own Laptops

REDMOND, Wash.—Microsoft is reportedly preparing to expand identity verification across Windows, requiring users to prove they are themselves before opening their laptop, adjusting brightness,…

Science & Technology

AI Lab Assures Investors Profitability Remains One Of Several Theoretical Outcomes

SAN FRANCISCO – Executives at leading artificial intelligence startup Omnithic held an emergency investor briefing to reassure stakeholders that the company remains “deeply committed…

Politics

White House Denies Trump Used Two-Way Diaper During China Trade Talks

WASHINGTON—The White House has forcefully denied reports that President Donald Trump wore a “two-way diaper” during high-level China trade talks, calling the allegation “false,…

Life & Style

McDonald’s Announces Nationwide Free Restroom Day

McDonald’s announced today that every restroom in every participating location nationwide will be fully open to the public for one glorious day, allowing Americans…

Entertainment

Disappointed Fans Say ‘Michael’ Left Out The Exact Weird Stuff They Bought IMAX Tickets To See

LOS ANGELES—Viewers leaving the new Michael Jackson biopic Michael say the film delivers the dancing, the gloves, the family pressure, the stadium screams, and…