Business

Rome Has Fallen: Domino’s Set To Phase Out Complimentary Butt Slap For Orders Over $30

The chain says the $30 threshold will still trigger rewards points, which is not the same and everyone knows it.

Entertainment

Calling All Grey’s Anatomy Fans: Meredith Grey Is Entering Her Most Hands-On Season Yet

The upcoming season will reportedly push Meredith into a grief-fueled medical breakthrough that has the hospital ethics board meeting in the elevator to save…

Opinion

Personal Essay: I Joined ICE And On My First Day Learned It Was Not Exactly What I Thought It Was

A new recruit joins ICE expecting literal ice and slowly discovers a devastating acronym problem.

Opinion

Opinion: If AI Is Taking Everyone’s Jobs, We Need To Talk About Casual Shoplifting

If AI is taking the jobs, society may need a more honest conversation about toothpaste, dignity, and locked CVS cabinets.

Life & Style

Area Man Enters Seventh Hour Of Explaining The Stall After Wife Asks When Brisket Will Be Ready

A backyard barbecue becomes a full-day lecture crisis after one wife makes the mistake of asking when the brisket will actually be ready.

Life & Style

Heroic: Husband Who Just Got Home From Work Immediately Deployed To Retrieve Wife’s Facebook Marketplace Purchase

A Cedar Rapids husband briefly believed his workday had ended before being informed his wife had already promised him to a Facebook Marketplace seller.

Business

Federal Reserve Announces Economy Will Now Be Adjusted Using One Giant Thermostat In JPMorgan Chase Basement

The Federal Reserve has reportedly replaced monetary policy with one extremely powerful basement thermostat labeled Recession, Boat Summer, and Egg Prices.

Business

Coca-Cola Announces New Pre-Shaken Soda That Arrives Already Warm And Slightly Opened

Coca-Cola announces Coke Familiar, a pre-shaken soda that arrives already warm, dented, and slightly opened.

Business

Papa Johns Facing Investor Revolt After New Pizza For People Who Still Clap When Planes Land Campaign Tanks

Papa Johns faces investor panic after its Backyard Cobb Za campaign makes customers remember ordinary pepperoni exists.

Business

Office In Crisis After Work Husband Tim And Work Wife Sarah Announce They Are Getting A Divorce

The whole office is talking after beloved work husband and work wife Tim and Sarah announced their separation, forcing coworkers to divide up coffee…