Politics

Federal Inmates Praise New Culinary Era As Donald Trump Appointed Head Burger Chef

ATLANTA — In what prison officials are calling a new era toward flavor-forward rehabilitation, president Donald Trump has reportedly been promoted to Head Burger…

Music

Ronnie Radke Reportedly Ready To Drop Pro-ICE Song “Back The Badge” While the Rest of Music World Sings Out Against ICE

As artists across genres release protest songs condemning Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Falling In Reverse frontman Ronnie Radke has chosen to meet the moment…

Entertainment

Sources Close to Charlie Sheen Say Actor Is “Fading” as Doctors Search for Answers

LOS ANGELES—Concern is mounting around actor Charlie Sheen after sources close to the family revealed the once-indestructible star has entered what doctors are delicately…

Entertainment

Timothée Chalamet Has Failed Bartending School

LOS ANGELES — Timothée Chalamet has officially failed bartending school, according to sources close to the situation and at least one laminated syllabus that…

Entertainment

Vince Gilligan Confirms Pluribus Season 2 Will Be Run By MrBeast

Vince Gilligan used to write shows about people making awful choices in the privacy of their own secrets. Now he’s writing a show about…

Music

OPINION: Courtney Love Has Definitely Had People Whacked, Which Is Why Nobody Is Asking Follow Up Questions

Everyone in the music industry knows Courtney Love has definitely had people whacked. Have you ever noticed it makes the room go slightly silent…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Announces Plan to Populate Mars, Says “It’s Time to Get Biblically Fruitful”

BOCA CHICA, TX — In a press conference held entirely in Latin and streamed at 2:37 AM via X (formerly Twitter), Elon Musk unveiled…

Music

Ronnie Radke’s Vile New Low: Guzzling Animal Jizz Like a Deranged Freak

Ronnie Radke, the perpetually unhinged screamo has-been turned Falling in Reverse ringleader, has officially sunk to a level of depravity that makes his past…

Music

Stevie Wonder Exposed: Blind Icon Caught Rollerskating in Shocking Cover-Up

Los Angeles, CA – For decades, Stevie Wonder has captivated the world with his soulful voice, masterful piano skills, and an inspiring narrative of…

Politics

Are You Tired of Winning Yet? Trump’s Tariff Tantrum Crowns Him King of the Economic Clown Show

Congratulations, America. We begged for Donald Trump’s triumphant return, and now we’re drowning in the sweet, sweet nectar of victory. One month into his…