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Science & Technology
Experts Confirm Earth Now Mostly Operating As A Large Air Fryer Left On Overnight
Climate experts warn Earth has entered its large-air-fryer phase while corporations sell climate guilt as a checkout add-on.
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Science & Technology
Scientists Say New Orleans Has Passed The Point Of No Return, Urge Residents To Begin Relocating Their Favorite Bar Stools First
New Orleans officials unveil a managed retreat plan that preserves the city's culture by moving the bar stools, balconies and daiquiri machines first.
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Entertainment
BREAKING NEWS: John Travolta Opens Fire Inside Regional Pharmacy
John Travolta allegedly takes CVS coupon policy into his own hands with a modified T-shirt cannon and a 2009 rewards coupon.
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Life & Style
Local Dad Waits Six Full Weeks For Perfect Opportunity To Casually Reveal New Riding Mower To Neighbors
A Wichita dad waits six weeks for the perfect neighborhood conditions to casually reveal his new riding mower.
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Business
Rome Has Fallen: Domino’s Set To Phase Out Complimentary Butt Slap For Orders Over $30
The chain says the $30 threshold will still trigger rewards points, which is not the same and everyone knows it.
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Entertainment
Calling All Grey’s Anatomy Fans: Meredith Grey Is Entering Her Most Hands-On Season Yet
The upcoming season will reportedly push Meredith into a grief-fueled medical breakthrough that has the hospital ethics board meeting in the elevator to save…
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Opinion
Personal Essay: I Joined ICE And On My First Day Learned It Was Not Exactly What I Thought It Was
A new recruit joins ICE expecting literal ice and slowly discovers a devastating acronym problem.
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Opinion
Opinion: If AI Is Taking Everyone’s Jobs, We Need To Talk About Casual Shoplifting
If AI is taking the jobs, society may need a more honest conversation about toothpaste, dignity, and locked CVS cabinets.
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Life & Style
Area Man Enters Seventh Hour Of Explaining The Stall After Wife Asks When Brisket Will Be Ready
A backyard barbecue becomes a full-day lecture crisis after one wife makes the mistake of asking when the brisket will actually be ready.
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Life & Style
Heroic: Husband Who Just Got Home From Work Immediately Deployed To Retrieve Wife’s Facebook Marketplace Purchase
A Cedar Rapids husband briefly believed his workday had ended before being informed his wife had already promised him to a Facebook Marketplace seller.
