Life & Style

Bad News! Subway Forced to Find New Cookie Dough Ingredient After Rare Animal Goes Extinct

Well, this sucks. The rare animal that secretes the special dough used in Subway’s beloved cookies has gone extinct. The animal, known as the…

Politics

Breaking: Trump’s Culinary Skills Earn Him a Promotion to Prison Kitchen – Inmates Rave About Perfect Trump Steaks!

Former President Donald Trump has turned his newfound prison residence into a gourmet paradise. Just days after his arrival, Trump was granted a highly-coveted…

Entertainment

James Cameron Found Guilty of War Crimes Against Cinema

In a stunning turn of events, renowned filmmaker James Cameron has been found guilty of war crimes against cinema. Sources report that Cameron, the…

Science & Technology

Child Prodigy’s New Power Source Threatens Tesla Empire: Elon Musk Sends Henchmen to Sabotage

The world of renewable energy is about to be turned upside down, and Elon Musk is shaking in his space boots. In a quaint…

Music

Local Band Writes Song About Absolutely Nothing, Still Manages to Top Charts

In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the music industry, local band “The Blank Slates” has just released a new single about…

Music

Experts Confirm Tupac Shakur’s Death Caused by a Broken Heart, Not Gunshot Wounds

Experts have confirmed that legendary rapper Tupac Shakur did not die from gunshot wounds but from a broken heart. According to Dr Dre, who…

Music

Late and Lackluster: Frank Ocean Impersonator’s Coachella Caper Includes Tardiness and a Shameless Herbalife Plug!

As if the spectacle of a Fiverr-sourced Frank Ocean lookalike wasn’t bewildering enough for the Coachella crowd, the counterfeit crooner took his performance to…

Politics

Alex Jones Announces Presidential Campaign with Promise to ‘Make America Crazy Again

In a move that surprised no one, conspiracy theorist and InfoWars host Alex Jones announced his candidacy for President of the United States on…

Life & Style

J.K. Rowling Shocks Nation by Single-Handedly Saving Trans Person, Proceeds to Lecture on Gender

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling stopped her car on the side of the road to rescue a trans person from a burning vehicle, only…

Music

Tom Morello single-handedly devours entire chip bowl at party, leaving guests in shock and awe

In a shocking display of gluttony and disregard for basic social etiquette, musician Tom Morello brazenly consumed the entirety of the chip bowl at…