Politics

Federal Budget Reveals Australians Technically Still Rich If You Ignore Everything They Spend Money On

CANBERRA — Treasurer Jim Chalmers unveiled the 2026 federal budget Tuesday night, confirming the Albanese government’s bold new economic strategy of giving Australians $14…

Science & Technology

Local YouTube Developer Achieves Enlightenment After Realizing Every Human Being Is Dumber Than Him

AUSTIN — YouTube software personality Theo Browne who goes by the handle t3dotgg reportedly spent Monday uploading his seventh video this month explaining that…

Politics

Donald Trump Breaks World Record For 8-Hour Blink After White House Clarifies He Was Never Sleeping

WASHINGTON, D.C. President Donald Trump made medical history Monday after completing what White House officials are calling the longest authenticated blink ever performed by…

Music

Protecting The Consumer: Fans Are Demanding Lower Ticket Prices Because They Apparently Hate Modern Capitalism So Much

Fans say they want cheaper tickets and fewer fees, which seems suspiciously hostile to the fragile miracle of modern capitalism.

Entertainment

Burger King Sued By Elvis Presley Estate Over Unauthorized Use Of “King”

The estate of Elvis Presley filed a lawsuit against Burger King, accusing the fast food chain of unlawfully presenting itself as “The King” despite…

Life & Style

Meeting Enters Second Hour, Employees Begin Quietly Accepting This As Reality

A meeting that experts confirmed should have been either documented in the company wiki or a seven minute Loom video entered its second hour…

Life & Style

Racist Man Warns About Foreign Influence Through 97 International Supply Chains

DAYTON, OHIO – Local man Greg Hensley issued a stern warning Tuesday evening about the dangers of trusting “non-Western folks” during a 43-comment Facebook…

Music

BREAKING: David Draiman Stubs Toe

DETROIT, MI – Disturbed frontman David Draiman was rushed into what witnesses described as a full spiritual lockdown Tuesday night after stubbing his toe…

Music

Ronnie Radke Busted Stealing Costco Samples

Falling In Reverse singer Ronnie Radke was detained Sunday afternoon after allegedly clearing out an entire Costco sample station at the Las Vegas location…

Life & Style

Good News Everyone: Vaping Is Out and Cigarettes Are Back

Good news everyone. Vaping is out. Cigarettes are back. The glowing pods and synthetic clouds that once signaled cool detachment now read as desperate…