Politics

Joe Biden Unveils Groundbreaking New Vibrator: The Bidenator, Continuing to Fuck the American Public in Unprecedented Ways

Wilmington, DE – In a move that can only be described as both ingenious and terrifying, President Joe Biden has taken his dedication to…

Music

Liam Gallagher Shockingly Discovered to Be a Talentless, Hacky, Piece of Shit Who Can’t Sing, Write Songs, or Make a Decent Pint of Tea

Former Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher has been outed as a complete and utter fraud, revealing himself to be nothing more than a talentless, hacky…

Music

Breaking News: Miraculous Ceiling Collapse Saves Thousands From Trapt Concert

Filed under divine intervention. The ceiling of the popular Trapt concert venue, Bucky’s Shitbox Saloon, collapsed mid-show in Boise, Idaho, saving thousands of unsuspecting…

Music

Tom Kiely From Patient-Sixty-Seven Threatens to Take Out Competition with Violent Methods

Tom Kiely, the lead singer of Australian metalcore band Patient-Sixty-Seven, has threatened to have several rival bands “whacked” in a fit of uncontrolled rage.…

Music

I HAD DINNER AT ROB HALFORD’S HOUSE AND I WISHED I HAD BROUGHT EARPLUGS

I had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have dinner at the home of Judas Priest’s legendary frontman, Rob Halford. As a casual listener of his…

Music

Slayer’s Reunion: As Tasty as Moldy Bread

Legendary thrash metal band, Slayer, has announced their highly anticipated reunion, shaking the music world to its core. But don’t get too excited, because…

Gaming

Rockstar Games’ Woke Gameplay Leak for GTA VI Second Trailer: Meet Transgender Protagonist Jazmin

Rockstar Games, the titanic developer behind the wildly popular Grand Theft Auto series, is allegedly preparing to release the highly anticipated second trailer for…

Entertainment

Australia Puts Vegemite Ban on Logan Paul Amidst WWE Chaos: ‘Not Here, Mate’

As Logan Paul sets foot in Perth for his much-anticipated WWE bout, Australia has taken an extraordinary step to safeguard its cultural heritage and…

Music

Breaking News: Tosin Abasi Unveils His Secret Sauce to Musical Success – You Won’t Believe What He Says Next!

NEW YORK, NY – Tosin Abasi, the enigmatic and suave motherfucker from the progressive metal band Animals As Leaders, has finally revealed his secret…

Opinion

OMG, I Did Cocaine With Lana Del Rey Last Night at This Super Cool LA Nightclub! But Did She Even Notice Me?

Last night, I found myself in the most unbelievable situation of my life: I did cocaine with the one and only Lana Del Rey…