Entertainment

Nicole Kidman ‘Isn’t Fucking Around Anymore’, Vows to End Zach Galifianakis ‘Once and For All’

Hollywood, CA — After years of quietly tolerating what sources call “an escalating war of passive-aggressive gestures,” actress Nicole Kidman publicly declared on Tuesday…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Announces Controversial ‘Mandatory Fucking’ Policy for X Users

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Billionaire Elon Musk announced today that users of X (formerly Twitter) will soon be required to engage in mandatory fucking at least…

Life & Style

Walmart Quietly Approaching AGI Breakthrough, Sparking Fear at Costco Headquarters

BENTONVILLE, AR – Walmart, America’s largest retailer and a staple of everyday consumerism, is reportedly close to achieving Artificial General Intelligence (AGI), sending shockwaves…

Reviews

Nintendo Switch 2 Review: A Must-Buy Console for Incels and Lonely Adults Everywhere

Nintendo’s highly anticipated Switch 2 is landing in a few months, and it’s everything an incel or lifelong virgin could want from a gaming…

Gaming

Exclusive First Impressions of GTA 6

Fans have been eagerly waiting over a decade for Grand Theft Auto VI, desperate for even a glimpse of the game after the infamous…

Music

Opinion: I Liked Tim Lambesis Better When He Was in Jail

It’s not often you find yourself thinking, “Wow, that dude really peaked behind bars,” but Tim Lambesis, infamous frontman of metalcore band As I…

Entertainment

Did Olive Garden Have Gene Hackman Killed Over Secret Recipes?

SANTA FE, NM — Hollywood and conspiracy circles alike are buzzing with speculation following the mysterious death of beloved actor Gene Hackman at his…

Entertainment

We Asked 6 Celebrities What They Think About OpenAI’s New GPT-4.5:

Robert Pattinson: “Honestly, GPT-4.5 has been texting me at all hours asking if vampires are real and, more specifically, if I personally am a…

Entertainment

Tom Hanks Caught Pawning Oscars

LOS ANGELES—Veteran actor Tom Hanks was spotted pawning several prestigious awards, including his two Oscars, at “Hollywood Pawn & Gold” yesterday afternoon. Witnesses described…

Entertainment

Alec Baldwin Spotted Practicing “Surprised Face” After Epstein Files Revelation

Following yesterday’s bombshell revelation of Jeffrey Epstein’s unsealed client files, actor Alec Baldwin was reportedly spotted frantically practicing a range of carefully crafted “surprised”…