Science & Technology

Tech Breakthrough: GPT-4.5 is Now So Small You Can Literally Stuff It in Your Balls

OpenAI has officially revealed GPT-4.5, an AI so minuscule it comfortably fits inside a human testicle. Yep, you heard correctly. The latest model, lovingly…

Entertainment

Ben Stiller Under Fire for Alleged Unauthorized “Severance” Experiments on Volunteers

Los Angeles, CA – Ben Stiller, the man who brought us slapstick classics like Zoolander and the mind-bending Apple TV+ series Severance, has reportedly…

Life & Style

Dad Crushed After Son’s “Piracy” Turns Out to Be Just Illegal Downloads

FORT WAYNE, IN – Local father Greg Hensley was reportedly “gutted” this week after discovering that his 16-year-old son Tyler’s newfound interest in “piracy”…

Entertainment

Keanu Reeves Caught Red-Handed Hawking Miracle Anti-Aging Cream at Local Flea Market

Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood icon Keanu Reeves, known for his timeless looks and brooding action roles, was spotted this weekend peddling jars of…

Opinion

OPINION: America Needs More Guns

America’s problem isn’t too many guns. It’s not enough guns. The solution to our national woes; crime, political gridlock, even the occasional bear sighting…

Music

Architects’ The Sky, The Earth & All Between Album Review: A Christian Mom Warns of Satan’s Latest Hit Record

I’ve been a Christian mom for 16 years, and I thought I’d seen it all. Pokémon cards with witchcraft vibes, that Harry Potter nonsense,…

Life & Style

KFC Seizes Texas in Greasy Coup, Declares State a “Chickenocracy”

PLANO, TX – Texans traded their ten-gallon hats for gravy-stained bucket lids today after Kentucky Fried Chicken executed a hostile takeover of the state…

Life & Style

Yale University’s Big Segregation Comeback: “America’s Back, and We’ve Got the Dorms to Prove It!”

New Haven, CT – Yale University, the Ivy League’s self-proclaimed arbiter of moral superiority, has decided to dust off an old American playbook and…

Entertainment

Timothée Chalamet Exposed: Hollywood’s Golden Boy Has a Dark Side

Los Angeles, CA – Timothée Chalamet, the floppy-haired darling of indie cinema and heartthrob to millions, might not be the saintly artist his PR…

Entertainment

Lynne Marie Stewart Found Dead at 78: Was Alec Baldwin’s Latest “Accident” a Cover-Up for Hollywood’s Darkest Secret?

Los Angeles, CA – February 24, 2025 – Lynne Marie Stewart, the actress who brought chain-smoking Bonnie Kelly to life on It’s Always Sunny…