Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Politics
Trump Celebrates 2.5 Consecutive Months Of Ending Iran War
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump on Tuesday marked what the White House called “a historic 75-day streak” of ending the war with Iran, telling…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Metal Band Semen Deer Hunter Abortion Tactical SWAT Team Returns With New Song Titled “Festering Puss Annihilation Combo Driver”
CLEVELAND – Extreme metal group Semen Deer Hunter Abortion Tactical SWAT Team announced Tuesday that it would be returning after a seven year hiatus…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Wendy’s Declared Strategic Nuclear Power
DUBLIN, OH – Global leaders convened in Brussels on Tuesday after Wendy’s successfully annexed three airport terminals, a mid-sized Baltic nation, and roughly 84…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Dogstar Finally Releases Album For Men Who Stare Out Hotel Windows During Rainstorms
LOS ANGELES – After years of quietly existing as “Keanu Reeves’ band” in the same way artisanal mustard exists as “the thing next to…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce Officially Break Up
NEW YORK — After months of speculation, multiple insider reports, and one emotionally devastating Subway lunch order, global pop icon Taylor Swift and Travis…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Country Star Returns To Roots With Song About Trucks, Heartbreak And Farmers
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Country music fans across America erupted into tears Friday after singer Wade Buckley released his latest single, “Dirt Between Us,” a…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
ECONOMY IN TOILET BUT NATION URGED TO STAY POSITIVE
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With inflation surging, consumer debt exploding, grocery prices entering what experts now describe as “performance art,” and the average citizen quietly…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Gina Rinehart Quietly Assumes Role Of Australia’s Actual Prime Minister
CANBERRA – Political analysts confirmed Tuesday that mining billionaire Gina Rinehart has now fully transitioned from influential business figure to Australia’s unofficial but widely…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Tech Industry Eliminates 400,000 Jobs To Make Room For Exciting New AI Jobs Nobody Can Name
SAN FRANCISCO — Another week, another tech company announcing mass layoffs while explaining that artificial intelligence represents an extraordinary opportunity for workers to transition…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Elon Musk Unveils X Premium Genetics, Allows Subscribers To Receive “Verified” Elon Sperm Directly Through App
AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk announced Monday that X will officially enter the fertility industry with the launch of X Premium Genetics, a subscription-based…
· By Martin Finch