Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Politics
Donald Trump Breaks World Record For 8-Hour Blink After White House Clarifies He Was Never Sleeping
WASHINGTON, D.C. President Donald Trump made medical history Monday after completing what White House officials are calling the longest authenticated blink ever performed by…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Burger King Sued By Elvis Presley Estate Over Unauthorized Use Of “King”
The estate of Elvis Presley filed a lawsuit against Burger King, accusing the fast food chain of unlawfully presenting itself as “The King” despite…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Meeting Enters Second Hour, Employees Begin Quietly Accepting This As Reality
A meeting that experts confirmed should have been either documented in the company wiki or a seven minute Loom video entered its second hour…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Racist Man Warns About Foreign Influence Through 97 International Supply Chains
DAYTON, OHIO – Local man Greg Hensley issued a stern warning Tuesday evening about the dangers of trusting “non-Western folks” during a 43-comment Facebook…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
BREAKING: David Draiman Stubs Toe
DETROIT, MI – Disturbed frontman David Draiman was rushed into what witnesses described as a full spiritual lockdown Tuesday night after stubbing his toe…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Ronnie Radke Busted Stealing Costco Samples
Falling In Reverse singer Ronnie Radke was detained Sunday afternoon after allegedly clearing out an entire Costco sample station at the Las Vegas location…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Good News Everyone: Vaping Is Out and Cigarettes Are Back
Good news everyone. Vaping is out. Cigarettes are back. The glowing pods and synthetic clouds that once signaled cool detachment now read as desperate…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Dave Grohl’s Dirty Little Secret Exposed: The Nicest Guy In Rock Has Been Secretly Lip-Syncing Every Drum Fill For 30 Years
LOS ANGELES – Dave Grohl, that tattooed flannel-clad barbecue dad who survived Nirvana, a plane crash, and Taylor Hawkins’ death only to emerge as…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Djent God Misha Mansoor Once Again Caught Red-Handed Taking Bribes From Big Pharma: The 8-String Riff Was Sponsored By Pfizer All Along
LOS ANGELES – Periphery mastermind and djent forefather Misha Mansoor has been busted for the third time accepting kickbacks from the pharmaceutical industry. Sources…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Katy Perry Hit With Sexual Assault Allegations One Year After Her “Space” Joyride: Damn, We Can’t Even Look Up To Our Astronauts Anymore
HOUSTON – Katy Perry is now facing sexual assault allegations from actress Ruby Rose. The claims, surfacing in April 2026, involve an alleged incident…
· By Martin Finch