Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Life & Style
McDonald’s Announces Nationwide Free Restroom Day
McDonald’s announced today that every restroom in every participating location nationwide will be fully open to the public for one glorious day, allowing Americans…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Man With “Don’t Follow Me, I’m Going Fishing” Bumper Sticker Actually Going To Costco
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO – Local man Derek Holloway, 41, has been exposed as “a complete fucking fraud” after witnesses confirmed the owner of a pickup…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Dario Orders Cafeteria Staff To Water Down Juice As Anthropic Faces Compute Crisis
SAN FRANCISCO – Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei reportedly ordered cafeteria staff this week to begin watering down all office juice dispensers by 35% as…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Walmart adds AI to its name, stock surges
BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Walmart’s stock has surged 3,000% after executives quietly added the letters “AI” to the company’s name and informed investors the retail…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
SELENA GOMEZ MUSIC THEFT SUSPECT WALKS FREE
LOS ANGELES – A 31-year-old man accused of stealing and leaking unreleased music from Selena Gomez pleaded guilty Tuesday before being immediately released by…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
DJ Khaled Discovers Ozempic
MIAMI – Music producer and motivational fog machine DJ Khaled has unveiled a dramatically slimmer appearance this week after what sources close to the…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
MrBeast Launches Coffin Line, Announces “Last To Die” Challenge
GREENVILLE, N.C. – YouTube creator MrBeast unveiled a new line of branded luxury coffins Tuesday alongside what he described as “the most emotionally intense…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Talking Heads Announce First New Album In Decades
NEW YORK CITY – After months of speculation fueled by cryptic social media activity and several sightings of Talking Heads members entering the same…
· By Martin Finch
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Kim Kardashian Has Failed Barista School
LOS ANGELES – Kim Kardashian’s latest professional reinvention ended this week in the only place that still believes in standards, a strip-mall barista certification…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Rick Rubin Finally Gets Caught Out
LOS ANGELES – Music producer Rick Rubin is facing mounting scrutiny this week after a three-month industry investigation concluded that he may not have…
· By Martin Finch