Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Science & Technology
Sam Altman Confirms OpenAI Now Capable Of Replacing Every Human Except Sam Altman
SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI CEO Sam Altman announced Tuesday that the company’s newest AI model has officially crossed the threshold into “full-spectrum human replacement,”…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Federal Budget Reveals Australians Technically Still Rich If You Ignore Everything They Spend Money On
CANBERRA — Treasurer Jim Chalmers unveiled the 2026 federal budget Tuesday night, confirming the Albanese government’s bold new economic strategy of giving Australians $14…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Local YouTube Developer Achieves Enlightenment After Realizing Every Human Being Is Dumber Than Him
AUSTIN — YouTube software personality Theo Browne who goes by the handle t3dotgg reportedly spent Monday uploading his seventh video this month explaining that…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Donald Trump Breaks World Record For 8-Hour Blink After White House Clarifies He Was Never Sleeping
WASHINGTON, D.C. President Donald Trump made medical history Monday after completing what White House officials are calling the longest authenticated blink ever performed by…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Burger King Sued By Elvis Presley Estate Over Unauthorized Use Of “King”
The estate of Elvis Presley filed a lawsuit against Burger King, accusing the fast food chain of unlawfully presenting itself as “The King” despite…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Meeting Enters Second Hour, Employees Begin Quietly Accepting This As Reality
A meeting that experts confirmed should have been either documented in the company wiki or a seven minute Loom video entered its second hour…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Racist Man Warns About Foreign Influence Through 97 International Supply Chains
DAYTON, OHIO – Local man Greg Hensley issued a stern warning Tuesday evening about the dangers of trusting “non-Western folks” during a 43-comment Facebook…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
BREAKING: David Draiman Stubs Toe
DETROIT, MI – Disturbed frontman David Draiman was rushed into what witnesses described as a full spiritual lockdown Tuesday night after stubbing his toe…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Ronnie Radke Busted Stealing Costco Samples
Falling In Reverse singer Ronnie Radke was detained Sunday afternoon after allegedly clearing out an entire Costco sample station at the Las Vegas location…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Good News Everyone: Vaping Is Out and Cigarettes Are Back
Good news everyone. Vaping is out. Cigarettes are back. The glowing pods and synthetic clouds that once signaled cool detachment now read as desperate…
· By Martin Finch