-
Culture
Grand Theft Auto VI Leak Has Longtime Fans Quietly Asking, “Wait, Can The Game Judge You Now?”
The rumored Public Presence system allegedly tracks the real crimes: bad parking, indoor vaping, boat-ramp behavior, and making every waitress regret eye contact.
-
Culture
‘Still Your Friend’: Tom From MySpace Reveals He Is Waiting Online For Millennials To Come Back
Tom from MySpace is reportedly still online and waiting for millennials to return after every other platform became a slot machine with push notifications.
-
Science & Technology
Tech Leaders Promise AI Will Not Replace Humans, Merely Reassign Them As Organic Battery Units
Tech leaders reassure workers that AI will not replace them, only reassign them as warm stationary battery units for server infrastructure.
-
Science & Technology
Tibo From OpenAI Has Been Quietly Taking Money From Big Reset, Which Explains The Button
SAN FRANCISCO — Thibault Sottiaux, the OpenAI member of technical staff closely associated with Codex, has been quietly receiving payments from the reset button…
-
Life & Style
Drunk Uncle Still Slipping You $20 And Calling You A Good Kid Despite Mounting Evidence You Are A 34-Year-Old Man
A drunk uncle continues slipping his 34-year-old nephew twenty dollars and calling him a good kid despite clear evidence of adulthood.
-
Music
Review: Periphery’s ‘A Pale White Dot’ Sounds Like A Gaming PC Trying To Win Custody
Periphery's new album is huge, immaculate, and emotionally structured like a custody hearing conducted inside a $14,000 gaming PC.
-
Science & Technology
Walmart adds AI to its name, stock surges
BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Walmart’s stock has surged 3,000% after executives quietly added the letters “AI” to the company’s name and informed investors the retail…
-
Music
SELENA GOMEZ MUSIC THEFT SUSPECT WALKS FREE
LOS ANGELES – A 31-year-old man accused of stealing and leaking unreleased music from Selena Gomez pleaded guilty Tuesday before being immediately released by…
-
Culture
‘Bring Back Fear’: Brisbane Broncos Accidentally Rebuild Entire Club Around 2006 Premiership Team
The Brisbane Broncos tried to honor the 2006 premiership side and accidentally created a clubwide operating model based on wraparound Oakleys and fear.
-
Life & Style
Australia’s 13 Highest-Paying Jobs Are Mostly Men Near A Ute Saying The Timeline’s Blown Out
The country's top salary list is apparently just FIFO money, LinkedIn cosplay, and one man in Barangaroo measuring mindfulness engagement.
