Life & Style

Yikes: Your Mom Just Invited The Jehovah’s Witness Boy Inside And He’s Giving Federal Agent Energy

The vibes are formal, laminated, and deeply concerning.

Politics

Bombshell: Ghislaine Maxwell Emerges As Top Republican Candidate For 2028

WASHINGTON—Convicted Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell has reportedly emerged as an early favorite in the Republican Party’s 2028 presidential field after strategists concluded she possesses…

Music

Please Respect The Lore: The Strokes Ask Fans To Remember Their Early NY Days Hard Enough To Replace Nick Valensi

The band said Valensi's temporary break will be covered by Steve Schiltz, several guitars, and the public's remaining supply of Lower East Side memory.

Entertainment

No Comment: Trump Throws Stephen Colbert Into Dumpster After Final Late Show

Donald Trump marked the end of Stephen Colbert's Late Show run by placing the host in a dumpster and completing the familiar rally dance…

Culture

J.K. Rowling Announces Plan To Personally Inspect Every Woman In Britain Just To Be Safe

EDINBURGH—J.K. Rowling has reportedly announced a sweeping new personal initiative to inspect every woman in Britain, telling close associates that the nation’s institutions can…

Culture

Bad News: Greta Thunberg Has Started Going Door-To-Door In Sweden

The Swedish activist has reportedly launched a door-knocking campaign after residents were heard enjoying the sunshine without first making a small defeated comment about…

Culture

Boundary Setting: Pokimane Asked Fans To Stop Referring To Her Apartment As ‘Our Place’

The streamer clarified that a monthly subscription includes emotes, chat badges, and emotional volatility, but not a California tenancy arrangement.

Music

Customer Is Always Right: Jason Tate Walked Out Of Subway After Refusing To Recognize Sandwich Artist As A Real Artist

The AbsolutePunk founder reportedly covered raw materials but refused to financially validate fake art.

Business

Finally: DoorDash Will Now Come Inside And Play Video Games With Single Dads While They Eat Pizza

DoorDash Dad Night turns pizza delivery into a 45-minute companionship window with Player 2 support, light praise of the TV size, and one legally…

Entertainment

Have You Heard? Amber Heard Is Ready For Her Comeback And Absolutely Nobody Is Safe

Amber Heard is reportedly preparing a Hollywood comeback with a renewed sense of purpose, terrifying calm, and deeply concerning eye contact.