Category: Science & Technology

Science & Technology

Experts Claim Cyclone Alfred Controlled by HAARP to Boost Supermarket Profits

As Tropical Cyclone Alfred barrels towards the southeast Queensland coast, residents are scrambling to prepare for what could be one of the most destructive…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Announces Controversial ‘Mandatory Fucking’ Policy for X Users

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Billionaire Elon Musk announced today that users of X (formerly Twitter) will soon be required to engage in mandatory fucking at least…

Science & Technology

Tech Breakthrough: GPT-4.5 is Now So Small You Can Literally Stuff It in Your Balls

OpenAI has officially revealed GPT-4.5, an AI so minuscule it comfortably fits inside a human testicle. Yep, you heard correctly. The latest model, lovingly…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Announces Plan to Stockpile All Moon Cheese for Personal Consumption

Eccentric billionaire Elon Musk has announced his intention to hoard all of the cheese found on the moon for his own personal use. The…

Science & Technology

Government Officials Now Probing Cryptocurrency Investors’ Buttholes!

In a bold move to reel in those who have profited from the recent surge in cryptocurrency prices, the IRS has announced a new…

Science & Technology

Dr. Fauci and Bill Gates Announce Groundbreaking Partnership to Unleash ‘COVID-24’

The world’s most beloved and huggable villain, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has joined forces with the Zuckerberg of the nerdosphere, Bill Gates, to unveil their…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s New Space Toilet: The Sh*t That Blew Up His Mars Plans

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a man named Elon Musk. He was a billionaire with a…

Science & Technology

Ousted From OpenAI, Sam Altman Starts a Banana Stand

So, Sam Altman, the tech mogul, suddenly finds himself booted from the high and mighty throne of OpenAI. What does he do? Does he…

Science & Technology

OpenAI Drops a Bombshell: Sam Altman Out, Smart Fridge In as New CEO

OpenAI, the company behind the brainiac AI everyone won’t shut up about, has given its CEO Sam Altman the boot, replacing him with a…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Shows Unprecedented Mercy: Snips Only 3 Fingers from SpaceX Leaker’s Hand! The Compassionate Billionaire Strikes Again

They say charity starts at home, but for Elon Musk, it seems that benevolence starts at the fingertips – or rather, ends there. In…