Category: Science & Technology

Science & Technology

Dario Orders Cafeteria Staff To Water Down Juice As Anthropic Faces Compute Crisis

SAN FRANCISCO – Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei reportedly ordered cafeteria staff this week to begin watering down all office juice dispensers by 35% as…

Science & Technology

Tech Leaders Promise AI Will Not Replace Humans, Merely Reassign Them As Organic Battery Units

Tech leaders reassure workers that AI will not replace them, only reassign them as warm stationary battery units for server infrastructure.

Science & Technology

Tibo From OpenAI Has Been Quietly Taking Money From Big Reset, Which Explains The Button

SAN FRANCISCO — Thibault Sottiaux, the OpenAI member of technical staff closely associated with Codex, has been quietly receiving payments from the reset button…

Science & Technology

Walmart adds AI to its name, stock surges

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Walmart’s stock has surged 3,000% after executives quietly added the letters “AI” to the company’s name and informed investors the retail…

Science & Technology

Former Blue Origin Staff Say Jeff Bezos Spent Years Filling Conference Rooms With Giant Phallic Objects And Calling It Engineering

Former staffers allege the billionaire kept presenting towering cylinders, confidence silhouettes, and suspiciously regal rockets while asking everyone to be normal about it.

Science & Technology

Long-Lost Crypto Surges 4,800% After One Guy Calls It Bitcoin For Men Who Missed Bitcoin

A dead 2017 coin with no roadmap, no developers, and one subreddit moderator named Greg1984 has become crypto's newest sacred object.

Entertainment

Paramount CTO Phil Wiser Leaves After One Last Farewell Email Nobody Made It Past

The departing tech chief left Paramount with a warm internal memo, a transition plan, and enough transformation language to fog up Outlook.

Science & Technology

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang Ate Noodles Through Trump’s China Trip Like Everyone Else Was A Loading Screen

The Nvidia CEO joined Trump's Beijing delegation and somehow turned semiconductor diplomacy into a noodle-shop power ranking.

Science & Technology

Berkshire Tripled Its Alphabet Stake After Buffett Clicked ‘I Agree’ While Printing Dairy Queen Directions

Berkshire says it was a sober portfolio shift. Omaha sources say someone lost a fight with a Google consent banner.

Science & Technology

Exclusive: Leaked Factory Photos Point To OpenAI Relay, A Smart Speaker That Lets Meetings Follow You Home

Factory images point to an unannounced OpenAI smart speaker lineup with Home, Desk, and Room tiers, because apparently the meeting needed a physical body.