Category: Music

Music

Good News: Taylor Swift Has Trademarked Everything Except Talent, Which Remains Safely In The Public Domain

Swift's lawyers have protected phrases, eras, greetings, and several merchandise-ready nouns, but officials say no filing has yet established exclusive rights to hitting the…

Music

CDC Warns THALL Mind Virus Has Thousands Of Men Calling Underpasses ‘Vildhjarta-Coded’

Officials say exposure to Vildhjarta riffs may cause men to lose normal vocabulary and begin treating drainage tunnels like sacred texts.

Music

BOMBSHELL: We Reveal Every Single Sleep Token Member’s Identity Because No More Hiding, Cowards

After years of masks, symbols, rituals, and fan theories, VanFlip can finally reveal the extremely ordinary British men standing behind Vessel, II, III, and…

Music

Charli XCX Announces She Is “Too Culturally Important” To Release Music That Can Be Enjoyed Offline

LONDON — Following the success of Brat, which somehow turned cigarette damage and dehydration into a global aesthetic, Charli XCX reportedly told executives at…

Music

Bridging The Digital Divide: Green Day’s Tré Cool Donated 6 MacBooks To Disadvantaged Children, Locked Them To Green Day Songs, Then Sued The Kids For Copyright Infringement

Green Day's Tré Cool gave six children free laptops, then discovered the most teachable moment of all was federal copyright litigation.

Music

Embarrassing: ACM Awards Forced To Keep Restarting Ella Langley’s Walk-Off Music After She Won Again Before Reaching Her Seat

After Ella Langley kept winning at the ACM Awards, producers reportedly had to treat her less like a guest and more like recurring stage…

Music

Ancient Ritual: Jack Antonoff Says Real Songwriting Requires One Little Dweeb To Stand Near A Famous Woman Until God Approves The Bridge

The producer warned that AI will never replicate the holy process of waiting in the corner with a vintage keyboard and an expression that…

Music

Breakthrough: Drake’s Three New Albums Cure His Dad’s Cancer

After generations of costly medical research, doctors are finally confronting the possibility that Drake's triple-album release did what oncology could not.

Music

Mission Accomplished: Aqua Announces Breakup After Confirming World Can Handle Ken Parts From Here

The Danish-Norwegian pop group said humanity has finally developed enough wedding uncles, cruise DJs, and office-party men in shiny shirts to continue the work.

Music

Bad News: Travis Scott Just Announced Another Music Festival For Paramedics To Clear Their Weekend For

The new event promises music, merch, sponsor tents, and enough crowd-control dread to make every trauma nurse in the county stare silently at a…