Category: Music

Music

Nation Increasingly Concerned Nobody Has Ever Had A Bad Thing To Say About Jack White

DETROIT — Cultural analysts confirmed Tuesday that America may be facing a dangerous collapse in artistic accountability after another full calendar year passed without…

Music

I Heard All Them Witches’ House Of Mirrors, And It Sounds Like Someone Found A Second, Smaller Church Under The First Church

Daniel Brooks spends two days inside All Them Witches' House Of Mirrors and reports back from the second, smaller church under the first church.

Music

Lars Ulrich Announces Solo Album Made Entirely Of Simple Drum Fills And Snare Rolls

The Metallica drummer is finally giving fans the unvarnished sound of a man reaching a chorus and deciding the snare should handle it.

Music

Justin Bieber Announces New Album Featuring BTS, Korean War Anthems, Says It’s “Mostly For NATO”

LOS ANGELES — Justin Bieber announced Tuesday that his upcoming collaborative album with BTS will feature reimagined Korean War marching songs, heavily auto-tuned artillery…

Music

Metal Band Semen Deer Hunter Abortion Tactical SWAT Team Returns With New Song Titled “Festering Puss Annihilation Combo Driver”

CLEVELAND – Extreme metal group Semen Deer Hunter Abortion Tactical SWAT Team announced Tuesday that it would be returning after a seven year hiatus…

Music

Vince Staples — Cry Baby Record Review

Vince Staples has spent the better part of a decade perfecting a style of rap that sounds like somebody documenting the collapse of modern…

Music

Dogstar Finally Releases Album For Men Who Stare Out Hotel Windows During Rainstorms

LOS ANGELES – After years of quietly existing as “Keanu Reeves’ band” in the same way artisanal mustard exists as “the thing next to…

Music

Country Star Returns To Roots With Song About Trucks, Heartbreak And Farmers

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Country music fans across America erupted into tears Friday after singer Wade Buckley released his latest single, “Dirt Between Us,” a…

Music

Protecting The Consumer: Fans Are Demanding Lower Ticket Prices Because They Apparently Hate Modern Capitalism So Much

Fans say they want cheaper tickets and fewer fees, which seems suspiciously hostile to the fragile miracle of modern capitalism.

Music

BREAKING: David Draiman Stubs Toe

DETROIT, MI – Disturbed frontman David Draiman was rushed into what witnesses described as a full spiritual lockdown Tuesday night after stubbing his toe…