Category
Category: Life & Style
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Life & Style
Grandma Is Doing Keto, Which Means No More Biscuits
BABYLON, USA — In what grieving family members are calling “an absolutely disproportionate response to one Facebook video,” local grandmother Geraldine “Nana” Whitaker, 78,…
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Life & Style
Americans Relieved To Learn Hantavirus Requires More Effort Than COVID
ATLANTA – Public health officials recently confirmed that hantavirus has officially replaced COVID-19 as the disease people mention at brunch to demonstrate they read…
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Life & Style
Jesus Returns Briefly Before Saying “Fuck This Shit” And Leaving Humanity To Figure It Out
JERUSALEM – The long-awaited Second Coming of Jesus Christ lasted just under fourteen minutes Tuesday before the Son of God reportedly looked around at…
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Life & Style
Meeting Enters Second Hour, Employees Begin Quietly Accepting This As Reality
A meeting that experts confirmed should have been either documented in the company wiki or a seven minute Loom video entered its second hour…
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Life & Style
Racist Man Warns About Foreign Influence Through 97 International Supply Chains
DAYTON, OHIO – Local man Greg Hensley issued a stern warning Tuesday evening about the dangers of trusting “non-Western folks” during a 43-comment Facebook…
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Life & Style
Good News Everyone: Vaping Is Out and Cigarettes Are Back
Good news everyone. Vaping is out. Cigarettes are back. The glowing pods and synthetic clouds that once signaled cool detachment now read as desperate…
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Life & Style
Walmart Quietly Approaching AGI Breakthrough, Sparking Fear at Costco Headquarters
BENTONVILLE, AR – Walmart, America’s largest retailer and a staple of everyday consumerism, is reportedly close to achieving Artificial General Intelligence (AGI), sending shockwaves…
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Life & Style
Dad Crushed After Son’s “Piracy” Turns Out to Be Just Illegal Downloads
FORT WAYNE, IN – Local father Greg Hensley was reportedly “gutted” this week after discovering that his 16-year-old son Tyler’s newfound interest in “piracy”…
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Life & Style
KFC Seizes Texas in Greasy Coup, Declares State a “Chickenocracy”
PLANO, TX – Texans traded their ten-gallon hats for gravy-stained bucket lids today after Kentucky Fried Chicken executed a hostile takeover of the state…
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Life & Style
Yale University’s Big Segregation Comeback: “America’s Back, and We’ve Got the Dorms to Prove It!”
New Haven, CT – Yale University, the Ivy League’s self-proclaimed arbiter of moral superiority, has decided to dust off an old American playbook and…
