Category
Category: Business
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Science & Technology
Customer-First: Tesla Will Start Installing Popcorn In Airbags For First Responders Trying To Pry You Out
Tesla says the feature will give firefighters a warm snack during the critical minutes when the doors stay shut and the battery becomes weather.
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Life & Style
Helpful: Kleenex Has Started Pre-Staining Its Tissues With Blood To Save Everyone A Step
Kleenex has introduced First Dab, a tissue line that arrives pre-stained with blood so customers can skip the awkward white-tissue part.
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Business
Rome Has Fallen: Domino’s Set To Phase Out Complimentary Butt Slap For Orders Over $30
The chain says the $30 threshold will still trigger rewards points, which is not the same and everyone knows it.
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Business
Federal Reserve Announces Economy Will Now Be Adjusted Using One Giant Thermostat In JPMorgan Chase Basement
The Federal Reserve has reportedly replaced monetary policy with one extremely powerful basement thermostat labeled Recession, Boat Summer, and Egg Prices.
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Business
Coca-Cola Announces New Pre-Shaken Soda That Arrives Already Warm And Slightly Opened
Coca-Cola announces Coke Familiar, a pre-shaken soda that arrives already warm, dented, and slightly opened.
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Business
Papa Johns Facing Investor Revolt After New Pizza For People Who Still Clap When Planes Land Campaign Tanks
Papa Johns faces investor panic after its Backyard Cobb Za campaign makes customers remember ordinary pepperoni exists.
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Business
Office In Crisis After Work Husband Tim And Work Wife Sarah Announce They Are Getting A Divorce
The whole office is talking after beloved work husband and work wife Tim and Sarah announced their separation, forcing coworkers to divide up coffee…
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Science & Technology
Terror Alert: Taliban Claims Responsibility For Destroying Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin Rocket
The group said its long-running campaign against private spaceflight had achieved a major victory after a billionaire's rocket completed most of the work itself.
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Business
‘We Know You Need A Battery Right Now’: RadioShack Returns After Discovering Americans Still Panic-Buy One Weird Adapter
RadioShack has returned after discovering Americans still need a physical store for one weird battery, one weird adapter, and a man named Dennis.
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Business
Red Lobster Denies Using Industrial Dye To Make Lobster Look Redder
Red Lobster denies using an industrial coloring agent to make lobster look aggressively red after former kitchen employees describe a suspicious Crimson Spectrum.
