Facebook Marketplace Seller Asks If You Can Pick Up Couch Before Her Marriage Falls Apart
The listing says the couch is smoke-free, pet-free, and maritally load-bearing.
A Facebook Marketplace seller has asked potential buyers to pick up a sectional couch before her marriage falls apart, noting that the item is in good condition and “needs to be gone before Kevin gets home and does the voice.”
The listing describes the couch as smoke-free, pet-free, and maritally load-bearing, with two reclining seats, minor fabric pilling, and the kind of beige neutrality a couple chooses when they have stopped asking each other real questions.
“Must bring truck,” the seller wrote. “Must be able to lift. Must not ask why there are three lamps on the lawn. If you can come before 6, I will throw in throw pillows Kevin says make the room look like a waiting area for divorce.”
Interested buyers have reportedly asked if the price is firm, if the couch separates into pieces, and whether the husband will be present in a way that affects loading.
At press time, the seller had lowered the price from $300 to “please just be normal in my driveway.”
