Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Life & Style
New Study Shows that Spying on Employees 24/7 Increases Productivity by a Whopping 0.01%
In a bold move to boost productivity and streamline efficiency, companies across the nation are turning to a revolutionary new technology: integrated cameras in…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Rockstar or Robin Hood? Mike Patton Solves Fuel Crisis One Gas Tank at a Time
Deep in the Gas-Less Hole of America – In a desperate attempt to counter the fuel crisis, noted musician and frontman of Faith No…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Donald Trump Rides Jetski to Freedom: Manhattan DA’s Indictment Just Water Under the Bridge!
Manhattan, NY – Just when you thought 2023 couldn’t get any more bizarre, former President Donald Trump was spotted zipping around the Hudson River…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Uh-oh! Rivers of Nihil Just Declared Global Thermostat War – And It’s Heating Up!
Well, buckle up, folks – because Rivers of Nihil have just thrown a sizzling curveball at the world, and it’s about to change our…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Local Band Shocked to Discover Audience Didn’t Notice Guitarist Playing Entire Set Out of Tune
Local band, “The Soundwaves” were left stunned after their performance at Joe’s Bar last night when they discovered that not a single audience member…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Local Police Officer Praised for Showing Mercy to Elderly Protesters by Only Beating Them Senselessly
In a refreshing display of compassion and understanding, a local police officer has made headlines for showing mercy to the elderly protesters in his…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Brace Yourselves, Snowflakes: Born of Osiris Just Announced a MAGA-Inspired Metal Album That’s Guaranteed to Melt Your Safe Space
In the cacophonic world of metal, witness the unparalleled fusion of political soundbites and breakdowns that will leave you questioning reality. Born of Osiris…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Death Metal Barbie: The Perfect Doll for Your Little Headbanger
Mattel, the company behind the iconic Barbie doll, has just announced a new addition to their toy line: Death Metal Barbie. This new doll…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Russia Admits Defeat: KFC’s Secret Recipe Remains a Mystery Despite Kremlin’s Best Efforts
Moscow, Russia – Russian officials have publicly conceded defeat in their years-long covert operation to decipher the coveted blend of eleven herbs and spices…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
James Hetfield Shocks Fans by Taking Mid-Concert Bathroom Break, Proving He’s Just Like Us
Last night, fans were left in awe as Metallica front-man James Hetfield paused a sold-out show to take a much-needed bathroom break. The shocking…
· By Martin Finch