Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
-
Science & Technology
Neural DSP Declares End to Capitalism with Archetype: Tom Morello
HELSINKI, FINLAND — In a ballsy move that would make Karl Marx break into an air guitar solo, Neural DSP has just announced the…
· By Martin Finch
-
Politics
DeSantis Announces Presidency Amidst Sound of Crashing Servers, North Korea Sends Congrats
SAN FRANCISCO – North Korea congratulates Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on his successful 2024 presidential campaign launch. The announcement, delivered via a Twitter Space…
· By Martin Finch
-
Life & Style
McDonald’s Sours Soft Serve Fans with News of Extinct Ice Cream Creature
McDonald’s loyal customers were left in shock and dismayed today as the fast food giant announced that the creature from which the crucial ingredient…
· By Martin Finch
-
Entertainment
Chris Brown Proves That Beating Women Is the Key to Success
Are you tired of working hard and not seeing any results in your career? Well, look no further than Chris Brown, the ultimate example…
· By Martin Finch
-
Music
Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill
The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as “The Vessel,” was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to…
· By Martin Finch
-
Science & Technology
Elon Musk’s death beam satellite: a game-changer or a recipe for disaster?
In an announcement that surprised no one, Elon Musk revealed that his latest invention, a death beam satellite, is almost complete. But fear not.…
· By Martin Finch
-
Life & Style
Exhausted Soccer Mom Delivers Knockout Blow to Conor McGregor in Walmart Parking Lot Brawl
It was a typical Tuesday evening at the local Walmart parking lot when washed-up drunk and former UFC champion Conor McGregor met his match.…
· By Martin Finch
-
Music
Blink 182’s Linguistic Incompetence: A Study in Mispronunciation
It’s a question that has plagued music enthusiasts for decades: why do band’s like Blink 182 insist on mispronouncing words like “head”? After extensive…
· By Martin Finch
-
Music
It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled
After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in…
· By Martin Finch
-
Opinion
OPINION: How Can a Band With the Word Dragons in Its Name Be So Terrible? Imagine Dragons We Need to Talk
It’s a question that’s been on the minds of music lovers everywhere: How can a band with the word dragons in its name be…
· By Martin Finch