In a refreshing display of compassion and understanding, a local police officer has made headlines for showing mercy to the elderly protesters in his community by only beating them senselessly.
According to eyewitnesses, the officer, who has chosen to remain anonymous, was seen gently escorting a group of senior citizens out of a peaceful demonstration before bashing their heads in with his baton.
“I really appreciate the officer’s consideration,” said 78-year-old protestor Mary Beech, who was seen being dragged away by her hair before being repeatedly kicked in the ribs. “I’ve lived a long and fulfilling life, and I’m ready to take a beating for my beliefs. It’s the least I can do.“
Other elderly protesters expressed similar sentiments, with many praising the officer for his restraint in only targeting those who have already lived a good portion of their life.
“I’m glad that the police are looking out for protesters,” said 82-year-old George Thompson, who was seen pepper-sprayed in the face. “It’s nice to know they’re not wasting their energy on young people who have their whole lives ahead of them.“
The police department has yet to comment on the officer’s actions, but many are hailing him as a hero for his compassionate approach to crowd control.
“This officer truly understands the value of life and shows that he has a heart and a soul,” said resident John Doe.
The officer’s actions have sparked a renewed sense of hope and inspiration in the community, with many calling for more officers to follow his example and only beat the elderly protesters who have already lived a life.
In related news, the police department has added a new category to their use of force policy, “Senior Citizen Exception.”
