Opinion

Report: this child who wants to grow up to be in a successful band wouldn’t last one night in a tour van with 4 other dudes who haven’t showered in three days

In a shocking report released today, it has been revealed that a child who dreams of one day being a part of a successful…

Music

Polyphia’s Tim Henson Dives Deep Into Fishman Pickups Collaboration: Will You Take the Bait?

Dallas, TX – In what can only be described as the musical equivalent of a fish out of water, Tim Henson, the renowned guitarist…

Music

Appetite for Wedding Destruction: Guns N’ Roses’ Slash Turns Wedding Photographer, but There’s a Catch: He Won’t Give the Photos Back!

In a jaw-dropping twist that proves even rock legends can’t resist the allure of crashing weddings, Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash recently made a…

Music

Metalheads Brace for Impact as Self-Proclaimed ‘Tough Guy’ Announces Pit Appearance

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the metal community, Chuck “The Crusher” Green, a self-proclaimed tough guy, has announced his intention to…

Entertainment

Move Over, Hitchcock: Tommy Wiseau Unleashes a Furry Nightmare in His Latest Cinematic Disasterpiece!

Los Angeles, CA – Hold on to your seats, cinephiles! The enigmatic and consistently perplexing Tommy Wiseau is back in the director’s chair, this…

Science & Technology

The Crypto-CEO Life: Binance Pauses Trading While CZ Jets Off with Suitcases of Cash

In a move that has both cryptocurrency enthusiasts and skeptics shaking their heads in disbelief, Binance, the world’s largest cryptocurrency exchange, has temporarily suspended…

Music

Sleep Token Who? The Deftones-Inspired Sleep Tolkien Is Your New Musical Obsession!

If you’re a fan of Sleep Token, the British atmospheric metal band known for their cryptic, emotional performances, then it’s time to set your…

Music

Ed Sheeran’s ‘Eyes Closed’: World Ponders, Is the Apocalypse Upon Us?

NORWICH, UK – Just when the world believed it had reached peak suffering, Ed Sheeran, ginger-haired bard of the millennial age, has unleashed his…

Music

Slipknot Fans Rejoice as Corey Taylor Leads Successful Coup in Australia

Sydney, Australia – Heavy metal band Slipknot has caused a stir in the land down under by leading a successful coup against the Australian…

Life & Style

Federal Reserve Insists Economy is Simultaneously Soaring and Crashing

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Federal Reserve, led by Chair Jerome H. Powell, who may or may not be a time-traveling wizard, announced today that…