Entertainment

Death Metal Barbie: The Perfect Doll for Your Little Headbanger

Mattel, the company behind the iconic Barbie doll, has just announced a new addition to their toy line: Death Metal Barbie. This new doll…

Politics

Russia Admits Defeat: KFC’s Secret Recipe Remains a Mystery Despite Kremlin’s Best Efforts

Moscow, Russia – Russian officials have publicly conceded defeat in their years-long covert operation to decipher the coveted blend of eleven herbs and spices…

Music

James Hetfield Shocks Fans by Taking Mid-Concert Bathroom Break, Proving He’s Just Like Us

Last night, fans were left in awe as Metallica front-man James Hetfield paused a sold-out show to take a much-needed bathroom break. The shocking…

Life & Style

Phil Anselmo Completes Journey to Ultimate Badassery: Truck Nuts Installed on His Monster Whip! (PETA Won’t Like This)”

New Orleans, LA – Phil Anselmo, the legendary frontman of Pantera and Down, has long been considered one of the most fearsome figures in…

Life & Style

Finally! Uber Eats Announces Revolutionary ‘Foodwalk’ Service for Those Who Crave Exercise with Their Takeout

New York, NY – Uber Eats announced its latest innovative service, “Foodwalk,” which is set to revolutionize how people combine their love for exercise…

Life & Style

Nation Realizes It’s Been a Few Years Since They Were Outrageously Angry About Harambe, Decides to Get Mad Again

It’s been a few years since the tragic death of Harambe the gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, and the nation has finally realized that…

Science & Technology

George Soros Swipes New York Times with a $7 Lifeline: Twitter Blue Checkmark Drama Unfolds!

Billionaire philanthropist George Soros has swooped in to save the floundering New York Times from the embarrassment of losing its coveted blue checkmark on…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s Generous Clown-Face Gift Leaves New York Times Red-Nosed and Speechless!

New York, NY – The New York Times Twitter account has lost its coveted blue checkmark after refusing to pay a measly $7 monthly…

Science & Technology

Bitcoin Plunges to Unseen Depths, Hodlers Insist It’s Just Practicing Limbo for the Afterparty!

As the price of Bitcoin, the digital currency that’s one power outage away from oblivion, spirals downward into the abyss of financial despair, its…

Politics

Checkmate, Manhattan: Donald Trump Offers to Write the Manhattan Grand Jury a Large Check

Manhattan, NY – As the world watched with bated breath, expecting a complex and protracted legal battle, former President and renowned businessman Donald Trump…