Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s New Space Toilet: The Sh*t That Blew Up His Mars Plans

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a man named Elon Musk. He was a billionaire with a…

Music

Corey Taylor Weighs In On the Shape of the Earth: “It’s Complicated, But Also, Not Really”

Corey Taylor, the Slipknot frontman known for his insightful commentary on everything from the existential dread of existence to the correct method of eating…

Music

Review: SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet

Buckle up for a journey into the latest auditory anomaly unleashed by the paradoxically named Silent Planet with their album SUPERBLOOM. This album screams…

Music

Jordan Fish of Bring Me The Horizon Inks Multi-Year Deal with Architects

Jordan Fish, the synth maestro of Bring Me The Horizon, has inked a historic multi-year contract with rival band Architects. The contract, rumored to…

Music

Mac DeMarco Eyeing Off The Last Sandwich At The Office Christmas Party

It’s the office Christmas party, and everyone is gathered around the refreshment table. Platters of snacks, cookies, and other festive treats abound. But there’s…

Life & Style

Grandpa Ignores Warning, Embarks on Psychotropic Lettuce Odyssey

In what could only be described as a heroic feat of culinary daring or the early onset of senility, local granddad Jerry “The Iron…

Life & Style

Stick It To The Doughminatrix: Auntie Anne’s Announces New “Gender Neutral” Pretzels!

Hold on to your traditional gender roles, folks, because Auntie Anne’s is kneading out the binary with its latest woke bake: the “Gender Neutral”…

Entertainment

Forget The 2023 Writers Guild of America Strike: Midgets are striking and it’s worse than you can ever imagine

Roll up, roll up, and feast your eyes on the latest spectacle to hit the boulevards of Hollywood—a cavalcade of pint-sized prima donnas has…

Entertainment

Fiscal Spell Fail: JK Rowling Conjured Up a Dinner Tab She Wouldn’t Vanish

Wizards of Wall Street, hold onto your broomsticks and get ready for this latest magical mishap: JK Rowling, the literary sorceress who famously penned…

Life & Style

Vaccination or Vacation? Local Man Mistakes Heroin for COVID Shot, Now High on Immunity and Everything Else

In a world where getting jabbed has become the new norm, one local man took “shooting up” to a whole new level. Meet Jerry,…